Looking a Gift Horse In The Mouth

I’m facing a bit of a problem…maybe…well…sort of…uhm….. Actually, I’m not certain and that’s what is driving me crazy. I’m having hours, at a time, of kinky, wild, amazing sex with a really hot guy.

After you stop laughing…

When is something too much of a good thing? Is one hour enough? Too much or too little? What about  three hours? What if it’s been six hours and every nerve ending in your body is so sensitized that you’re no longer certain if it’s pleasure or if it’s pain? What if this seems like it could be the norm?

When does sex stop being “hot” and start being a problem? Is it when you can picture the man better naked than clothed? Is it when you know what he likes in bed better than what he likes out of it? What about when the question “Can’t we stop for a sandwich” actually enters your mind while in the throes of passion?

This weekend I had the most mind-blowing sex that I’ve ever had. He did things that I didn’t even realize that a human being could do. Afterwards, I was literally disoriented and it took me several minutes to regain any sort of mental clarity. Yet somewhere, I couldn’t help wondering, as the evening continued far past that event, where is the stopping point?

I like chocolate cake, yet wouldn’t eat an entire cake in one sitting. Of course, sex is calorie-free and supposedly heart-healthy. Part of me wonders why I am feeling hesitation; Frankly, another part of me wonders where the lines between intimacy and addiction start to blur. I’m not certain that I know the answer…

I’m with a man who says he loves me, wants only to be with me and that he wants the chance to watch me sleep for the rest of his life. Am I just scared? Am I inventing problems where there are none? Am I cynically looking a gift horse in the mouth, searching for the flaws? I feel on edge, like what is inside of me is too big to keep inside and I will crack down the middle.

My outlet is to write…so I will keep writing and hope that I can find the answers. Until then, I will keep up with my vitamin C and yoga and try to get plenty of rest…I have a feeling I’m going to need my strength!


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