A Crossroads

So, I’m still dating J, although things are progressing from “dating” to “relationship”. I’m still trying to be somewhat cautious with my heart; I have no desire to get hurt again. Still, I have a good feeling about this guy. He’s not without his flaws obviously, yet he has already shown that he is willing to communicate and work through the speed bumps that come along.

His lover-boy past gives me a tiny bit of concern. To say that he’s been popular with the ladies would be an understatement. Yet I believe him when he says he’s searching for more now; he’s old enough to possibly be past the age when a simple conquest is all that he’s looking for. He is making shifts in his life to be with me more, he has told me that he wants to meet my children when I’m comfortable with that and he tells me that he adores me often.

This is the point in a new relationship where I start to get nervous .  The chemistry between us is hot enough that I am hoping that I’m not allowing that to influence me too much. We can spend hours just wrapped up in each other. Is that a good thing? Once the intensity comes down, will we still want each other? The first few dates are easy for me; I barely even feel nervous. Once I start to realize that I miss the other person’s voice, their smell, hearing the sound of their voice…well, the stakes are higher. When he spends long moments staring into my eyes and stroking my hair, I can feel a tiny flutter in my heart that tells me I could be in trouble. This is the first time since I was married that I haven’t felt like the other person was holding back. If anything, I am the one holding back now.Yet I know that his wooing is starting to weaken my walls. What would it be like to be in love with someone who loved me back, without reservations? Someone who actually knew what they wanted and was willing to do the work necessary to have it?

I’m somewhat excited about having the opportunity to find out!

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