The Power of The Pussy

I recently had someone tell me my city is one of  the top ten worst cities in the Unites States to attempt to date in. I believe it. However, I also think the dating culture we have right now makes trying to date ANYWHERE difficult. Particularly for women who are looking for a relationship.

Once upon a time, there were clearly defined “rules” for dating. Many of those rules have become outdated and no longer apply. Evolutionary psychology and simple biology when it comes to sex is pretty straightforward: Men and women have very different goals in the mating dance. Most men, biologically, are set up to “service the herd” and can do so with a much lower level of attachment; Most women want to nest and build a family. In the past, it was a clearly accepted “norm” of courtship for the woman to withhold sex until she felt confident the man was going to make a commitment to her and the nest.

*Note: There are some that may find the theories I am getting ready to offer objectionable. I feel I may have already crossed that threshold with my blog title. 🙂

Today’s culture has left women with very little leverage and a lot of confusion in the dating game. We have jobs and are expected to support and provide for ourselves and NOT be looking for someone to take care of us. We’re sexually liberated and don’t need society’s permission to sleep with whom we choose. In the words of Beyonce: “I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings/Only ring your cell-why when I’m feelin’ lonely/When it’s all over please get up and leave.”

We are EXPECTED, if we’re to appear successful, to have careers and establish them before we settle down and have a family. Be independent. Be successful. You don’t need a man to take care of you!

In many ways, I feel we’re being asked to behave more like men when it comes to relationships and sexuality…enjoy the game and go with the flow. No-Strings-Attached and Friends-With-Benefits relationships abound, to the point where men often act like something is wrong with you if you expect anything else. The sexual revolution and Women’s Liberation have made it “okay” (sort of) to have sex like a man: No committment unless we want it and multiple sexual partners. Is this enhancing the dating culture?

I heard a comedien say recently, “The power of the pussy is declining.”

While this may be a crude expression, I can’t help but think there is some truth to it. I’ve figured out in today’s dating culture “holding out” really doesn’t have the same effect. Even good guys expect you to put out fairly quickly. If you aren’t willing to do so, the assumption is that you have sexual issues, are frigid, or have too much baggage. Men also know they can go and find someone who WILL sleep with them fairly easily. Where is the incentive to continue in a fledgling relationship with a woman who won’t have sex with them? Especially when holding out is now in the minority, rather than the majority? Let’s face it: Men are not as likely to seek a commitment as a woman, especially if their needs are primarily being met without it. They simply don’t feel the same urge to settle down, have a family and nest that women do. What stops people from always thinking, when it comes to relationships, the grass might always be greener?

This also leads to the question of should sex be viewed as currency, in the mating ritual? The vagina used to be a much-sought-after commodity; only men willing to pay the “price” (monogamy and a relationship) got the use of one on a regular basis. If you go with a market analysis approach, I’m not sure the supply and demand is really set up to benefit women in the dating realm today. Many vaginas seem to be available, at a much lower cost. Many are even available for free! 

If the power of the pussy is diminished and my sexual “exchange rate” for commitment is at an all-time low, what does this mean? Should sex be collateral for a relationship? Will that even work today? In an ideal world, I’d like to believe sex isn’t about manipulation or games or “holding out”. Yet if biology dictates, to a large extent, how we behave with the opposite sex, are we women just kidding ourselves to think we can have sex like a man, yet find a relationship that we crave as women?  If I hold my own standards about sex (still figuring out what those are!) and it turns out I want commitment before sleeping with someone, am I limiting my dating pool significantly? Is this like being vegan amongst carnivores?

Personally, I’ve observed that today, even “good” guys expect you to sleep with them relatively quickly. If you aren’t willing to sleep with someone after you’ve dated for a bit, then it must be because you have sexual hang-ups. The numerous men online looking for FWB and NSA “relationships” and FINDING THEM has led some men to believe women are completely fine with casual sex. Let me let you in on a big secret: MOST women are NOT interested in sleeping with you just for recreation. Do we like sex? Yes! Do we think it is a fun activity that can be recreational? Sure. The general rule of thumb is that most women are hoping the sex turns into something more. There are exceptions to the rule and women have begun to think more like men when it comes to sex, but a few decades of sexual revolution isn’t going to erase centuries of biological programming. Sorry, guys. We want sex to turn into relationship…then love…then hopefully something long-term. Most of us are hoping if we agree to a NSA or FWB relationship that you’ll change your mind. It would take a different sort of revolution to change the dating culture and frankly, I don’t see it coming anytime soon. Divorce rates are high, extramarital affairs are higher and more people are remaining single than ever before. What has happened to committment?

Let me leave you with an example of what some men seem to think would be appealing to women: I gave into the impulse to answer a dating email from a service I unsubscribed to years ago. Still, I got the email and the guy was cute and sounded interesting. When asked what he wanted, he informed me he wanted a FWB relationship, but was quick to assure me he’d want it for longer than one night (Well, hell yeah, dummy. It takes longer than one night to even become FRIENDS). Then he told me his perfect, sexy scenario for a first meeting would be for me to leave my front door open and be waiting for him naked in the bed. He’d come in and we’d have sex without speaking a word. He wasn’t joking and he did seem to think this was an acceptable first-meeting scenario. I’d hesitate to say the majority of men have convinced themselves this is what women want. But…what if I’d said yes? Wouldn’t he be more likely to try it with someone else? What if she said yes? Then he went and told his friend, who thought, “Why not?” You see how the cycle of behavior and acceptence could be perpetuated.

As women, have we screwed ourselves by being willing to screw the men we’re dating?

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11 Responses to “The Power of The Pussy”

  1. As a man I don’t agree with you the reasons
    men don’t want to get married.
    1). Men get no sex after getting married,
    When the girl is trying to get him to sign
    on the dotted line, she will do anything for
    him sexually, once she has him, he never gets
    laid again. Guys know they won’t get laid
    if they get married
    2). Guys know that girls marry POINDEXTER,
    and have sex with all the hot guys before
    she gets married. Guys don’t want to
    be POINDEXTER, they want to be the hot guy
    Girks even cheat with the hot guys after getting married because, because they married POINDEXTER for his money? And to have kids.
    3). Girls cut there hair and get fat after getting
    married, I went to beach boys concert at Hollywood bowl the other night, and every older girl there was fat with short hair, and her
    blubber giggled as she danced true music, I
    told a young hot blond, when you get married
    please don’t cut your hair and get fat.
    4). It is simply not true that sex is more restricted in countries, that women are not
    equal, I went to Brasil, and 200 girls were
    Smiling at me as I walked down the street,
    I got got asked is I wanted sex before I
    left the port. I got tired of having sex in Brasl
    I had to turn beautiful young girls down Any
    American man can just buy a plane ticket
    5). The divorce rate is 75%, in southern
    California, and 70% of the divorces are wanted by the women. Men were happy being married, only 5% if men filed for divorce
    IF THERE IS A DIVORCE THE MAN HAS TO PAY, AND PAY, IT IS FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL DESTRUCTION FOR A MAN
    6). Having a relationship or love means a
    man has to pay, many men would have
    relationships if women paid there own way
    It is about the MONEY, not about nesting
    and family. HE KNOWS HE WILL HAVE TO
    PAY BIG TIME FOR LOVE, SMALL TIME FOR
    SEX. Leave as fast as you can, Don’t even
    hang around to buy breakfast
    7). Unfair marriage laws, that screw men
    Why Should a man sign a contract to give
    away half of what he owns???? Kids are just
    little child support payments to men. Why
    should he pay for her desire to have kids
    Most men over 30 in USA have had vasectomy’s and don’t tell the girls. The
    girls try’s to get pregnant to ensnare him
    and he just screws her brains out. Then on
    to the next girl if she gets pregnant be another guy while with him. 30% if kids are not the husbands in USA, and husband does not know it
    8) GIRLS TREAT NICE HUSBANDS LIKE SHIT, THE BEST HUSBAND THERE IS IN THE
    WORLD, LOYAL, DEVOTED, DOES EVERYTHING SHE WANTS, GETS CHEATED IN DISRESPECTED, AND DIVORCED.
    UNTIL GIRLS START REWARDING MEN
    FOR BEING GOOD HUSBANDS, WHY SHOULD MEN GET MARRIED
    9) the problem is not with the economic
    supply of sex before marriage It Is not
    about withholding sex, I got married twice,
    with girls I had sex with right away. It depends on if I like the girl or not. IT
    DRPENDS ON IF THE GUY LIKES YOU
    OR NOT. Guys will go with girls they are
    asshamed of just to get relieved ASK THE
    QUESTION IS THE GUY INTO ME OR NOT.
    10). Summery, guys don’t want to get married
    because this is the first generation of men
    who have come from divorce, and raised
    by single mothers. They know if they get
    married they will never get sex again. They
    know they are Poindexter, that was seattled
    for, THEY KNOW THAT THE DIVORCE RATE
    IS 75# AND IT US FINANCIAL DESTRUCTION
    If want to get married offer to sign a pre-nup
    If you don’t the guy will think you
    Married him for money , not because you
    love him

    THESE ARE SOME OF THE REAL REASONS

    • While there are women out there that have some of the traits you describe (materialistic enough to look for a meal ticket, unfaithful, dishonest, etc), most do not. I’m sorry you are so cynical and bitter about marriage. You don’t really seem to like women very much; I’m guessing someone has hurt you very badly. I have many men in my life who tell me the “truth” about how men think and feel and you don’t seem to speak for the majority of men. I hope you’re able to find some peace and healing in the future.

  2. I think is not the supply of sex but is the guy
    us into you or not. Girls that the guy likes
    are always in short supply, sex is not. A guy
    needs to be relieved just like drinking a lot
    if beers. He will go with an ugly, fat, old
    girls he is ashamed of to get relieved Do
    you think that this guy is going to ever want
    to hang around and kiss you, introduce you
    to his friends, or god forbid have a relationship with you. Even if you were the last woman
    in earth he would not marry you. You are just
    line a urinal to him, to dump HIS stuff into??
    Even if a guy has a girl he likes, he will have
    these handy girls in the side in case his girlfriend is not available. Get in a fight or whatever. Ones he calls at midnight, stops by
    a few minutes and leaves. GIRLS THAT ARE
    HOT, NICE, ARE ALWAYS IN HIGH DEMAND
    EVEN IN A MARKET, WHERE THE PRICE OF SEX US LOW?? It is just the fat and fugleys
    or single mothers that men have trouble
    in a market where sex is at an all time low
    If your a TEN, hot looking a girl will never
    have any trouble with men??

     THE BEST GERMAN “ACE PILOT OF
    WW1″. THE RED BARRON”, IN FACT THE BEST
    PILOT WHO EVER LIVED.  “SAID”
         I HAVE ONE REASON FOR BEING THE BEST
    IT IS MY PHILOSOPLY,   “I NEVER FIGHT A BATTLE
    I CAN’T WIN”,   I RUN, THEREFORE I ALWAYS
    WIN, I AM THE BEST, THE BEST THAT EVER
    LIVED.  THE SECRET TO BEING THE BEST WAS
    BEING THE BIGGEST COWARD THAT EVER LIVED
          MARRIAGE IS A BATTLE THAT MEN CAN’T
    WIN IN THE USA, BECAUSE OF THE MARRIAGE
    LAWS AND THE FACT IT IS A VAGOCRACY.
           THEREFORE, THE ONLY WAY A MAN CAN
    WIN IN THE UNITED STATES, IS TO RUN
    FROM MARRIAGE, TO BE THE BIGGEST COWARD
    THAT EVER LIVED.
            THAT IS WHAT IT MEANS FOR A MAN
    TO BE SUCCESFUL AND A WINNER IN THE
    USA? ???
             

    • If a man is behaving that badly (going with a “fat, ugly girl” just to get “relieved”), it is a mark of his poor character, not the woman’s worth. FYI: I know of several beautiful, hot women who were very sexual and desired sex much more frequently than their husbands did. It’s simply not true that women stop having sex after they “catch” a man.

  3. I think men and woman’s goals are exactly the same, we both want money, and to keep the money we want. IT IS ALL ABOUT MONEY
    Money is more important yo men than SEX,
    they would gladly do without sex to keep their
    money. (they will spend small amounts, but
    not everything they have) Men will do without
    sex for 8 years to get through medical school
    Medical school is more important than sex.
    Men do not need sex, it is a nice extra, in their
    lives. SURVIVAL INSTINCT IS MORE IMPORTANT, ESPECIALLY IN A BAD ECONOMY. Maslows chart of needs, if someone is hungry, all they think about is food
    (not sex). IN A SURVIVAL ECONOMY, sex
    is not a mans priority. SURVIVAL IS, he does
    not even think about sex. It is a false assumption that men will do whatever is necessary to get sex. They don’t care about sex in this economy, they don’t even date,
    THEY ARE FOCUSED ON SURVIVAL. I am
    a man with a Doctors degree, all the single
    guys I know but plane tickets, and outsource
    their girlfriends to other countries, they get a
    better product, for a cheaper price, and the
    women can’t sue them.
    IT IS A TOTALLY UNTRUTH THAT SEX IS
    MORE RESTRICTED IN OTHER COUNTRIES
    In Brasil for example, sex is a national hobby.
    They have hotels and motels every block in
    the country of Brasil, and most all Latin
    countries. The hotels are for sleeping the
    motels rent by the hour. These are for regular
    local Brasilians not tourists. You can have any
    girl you want in Brasil, any time you want
    because they are poor, and don’t have job
    opportunities, the girls like to pick up extra
    change whenever they can, not much just
    something small. I met Fernanda do Brasil,
    I said lets go to motel, she said no she wanted
    to dance first, have some fun. I asked how,
    much, she said you don’t have to give me anything, i will still go with you, but I am poor,
    anything you give is appreciated. I bought her
    a pair of shoes, they were purple with yellow
    flowers on them, no girl would be caught dead
    in then, I deceided to hang with her for a week, she was beautiful young tall with long
    hair, white, skinny. She knew the launage,
    and where to go, she watched out for me,
    a really nice girl. I took her to my hotel,
    I did not want to go to a motel. She had a card she gave at front desk, to protect guests
    from being robbed. She gave me her card when we were together to show I could trust her. The girls screw all the guys for small favors because they are broke, and don’t hold out, where did you girls get that impression.
    I could go out on a date here and buy a girl
    something what is the difference?? I took
    her in tours with me, and the American guys
    were with the old ugly wives, and I was with a
    23 year old super model, it was fun. I told her
    about our age difference, and she said she did not care. She never expected any money from me or felt entitled, I went to the market with her and bought food, we went on helocoptor ride over Rio,I treated her like
    a queen, she took me to airport, told me how
    much she loved me, please come back
    to Brasil even if you don’t go with me. She
    was wonderful.
    In Costa Rica I had same experience,
    I met Kimberly Sanchez, and spent two weeks
    With same girl. She was wonderful, treated
    me like a god, respected me , was honest with
    me. We went to a volcano, that had hot springs, waterfalls, you could sit in hot sping
    AND WATCH THE VOLCANO ERRUPT AT NIGHT, HAVING A DRINK. One of the best things I ever did in my life Again I am with a
    Young hot super model, and the old couples
    With there old hag wives were staring at me
    I was out of place, but fun, they guys should of left the old fat, short haired old hag wives at
    Home. In Argentina they said never bring
    your wife or girlfriend it is like bring water or
    sand to the beach. If you leave you husbands
    for 10 minutes, some young hot super model
    will be hitting on him. Your idea of other countries is from 40 years ago, this does not
    exists today, sex I’d loose and free in third
    world countries. Maslows theory of needs,
    poor means that they screw all the
    Men’s brains out, to get the basics of what
    they need??? Marriage is DEAD, nobody in
    Europe gets married anymore, Google it
    GOOGLE THE MARRIAGE STIKE, did you know 47 % of men in USA are on marriage
    strike until the marriage laws are more fair to
    men. Men have porn, and plane tickets
    To exotic places. One of my Doctor friends
    goes to TJ Mexico every Thursday night to
    get laid. He is a regular. Dont have to go out
    in a date and be asked what are your plans
    In life, my plans are to do things that are
    To my advantage, that I BENIFIT from. If
    you can show how I cam BENIFIT from
    Getting married I will. It is a proven fact men
    GET NO SEX AFTER GETTING MARRIED,
    ESPECIALLY WHEN, children. Are born,
    no time for sex, to tired. Kids always have
    priority over your needs, feelings. Where
    Is he in this. Relationship he is not getting his
    needs met??? He is not Happy.
    SO A GIRL WANT TO WITHHOLD SEX,
    FOR A RELATIONSHIP, THAT HE WILL GET
    NO SEX IN. IF GIRLS SCREWED THERE HUSBANDS BRAINS OUT, ALWAYS AND FOREVER , THERE WOULD BE MORE MITIVATION TO GET MARRIED FOR MEN??
    ANOTHER HOT SPOTD FOR
    MEN, BLUE MARLIN BAR, CLUB DEL REY
    COSTA RICA, THE HAVANA CLUB, IN PANAMA CITY ( GIRLS TO DIE FOR), THE TEQUELA ROCK IN LIMA PERU, HERE A DISCO SONG WRITTEN FOR CLUB HELP
    IN RIO ON NEW YEARS EVE.
    MARRIAGE IS A DEAD OBSOLETE,
    55 % OF COUPLES IN USA ARE NIT MARRIED AND IS GROWING, MEN WILL
    NIT MARRY WOMEN ANYMORE BCAUSE
    IT ABSOLUTELY HAS NO BENIFIT FOR
    MEN TO GET MARRIED. WOULD YOU
    DO SOMETHING THAT NO VALUE

    Two good videos you should watch,
    Just touch icon below

    • By all means, if you feel that visiting prostitutes works better for you than attempting to have any sort of real relationship, go for it. A beautiful young woman in a foreign country who accepts gifts or money in return for her sexual favors is still a prostitute. Thank you for not even attempting to have a relationship with women who are looking for one. At least the women you are getting “involved” with (and I loose that term facetiously) are receiving something from you and are hopefully not expecting anything more.

  4. I realize I’m an unusual man, and don’t follow all the shenanigans that most subscribe to in their beliefs in what a relationship is.
    In being thoroughly disgusted with the “normal” approach to relationships, I have painstakingly removed as much of the dysfunctional ego as humanly possible, and in turn have discovered grace. And by it, I’ve changed my standard and approach in relationships.
    I wish the best for you, so march on, brave one…

    • Thank you, Christopher. You sound like a very interesting man.

      • Men and women are extremely different, and in this post you’ve hit that nail square on the head. On my site I share quite a bit on the differences between men and women, scattered through out my posts.
        Did you know, that on average women are only sexually turned on about 30 hours a month. While men are “on” nearly all the time!
        On my Home Page, at the bottom of “my favorites”, is a link to the works of Alison Armstrong. She knows more on the differences of men and women than anyone I know. And her talk shows describe it all through humor. Very insightful. Anyway, it’s there for you if you so choose.
        My blessings be with you…

      • Thank you. I’ll enjoy reading your site and I will definitely check out the Alison Armstrong information. Thanks for reading my blog, as well as taking the time to share your comments with me.

  5. I see Johnny has a lot to say, and something tells me he doesn’t actually like women very much.
    I was married once, and even-though I may not do that again, there is a lot about it that I miss. I’ve gotten to a place in my life in which I no longer need a piece of paper to be committed in a relationship.
    I’ve found there’s 2 kinds of men, no matter what their relationship status is. There’s the married man, and the bachelor. The married man is committed whether he’s married or just dating, and the bachelor is continuously searching. So My friend, choose wisely.
    My blessings to you…

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