Can You Build A Romance on Apathy?

It may be time for me to take a break from the hardcore dating scene for awhile. I’ve realized that lately, even if a guy seems interesting, I just can’t work up the energy to actually want to date him.  It requires a lot of energy to email, chat, talk on the phone, set-up the date and then rush to get everything done so I can carve out the time for the actual date. Then I have to  try to be interesting and interested and attractive and charming. After the date, it can only go one of two ways: Start the process over for a second date (the preferred outcome) or find a way that doesn’t make both of us feel like crap (an impossible task) to let him know that we didn’t click. I must admit that the last couple of months, I’ve had to tell a lot of guys that we didn’t click. Practice does not improve the experience! Lately, I’ve begun to consider extreme scenarios that will get me out of rejecting any would-be suitors. Faking my own death crossed my mind briefly, but after looking at it from a practical standpoint, that would be almost impossible to pull off. Telling them I just found out I have a terminal illness was another idea, yet it seemed disrespectful to people who actually are suffering from a terminal illness. The one that would be the easiest would be to simply say that I’ve met someone else. That does not, however, account for me still being online. In the end, I know there is simply no way to get out of it. Which has led me to this point of apathy about dating.

For instance, I recently had a second date with B. I had hoped that the second date would help me to clarify whether there should be a third date. Much like our first date, there were no huge deciding factors.

 Pro: He was actually on time for the date.

Very small con: He picked a very common chain restaurant and was excited about it. This probably wouldn’t rank as a con, except for the fact that the trendy little Latin restaurant I picked for our first date seemed to make him very apprehensive. He also said immediately upon arrival that he really wasn’t into “tacos”. Which turned out to be fine, as this was clearly not a Tex-Mex sort of place. Still, it speaks to a certain lack of adventurousness which could prove trying to us both if we entered into a relationship. Certainly not a deal breaker, but a small nugget of information.

Pro: Other than the dental issue, he is an attractive guy.

HUGE con: He made sex noises while eating and drinking. Now, a small murmer of pleasure over an exceptionally good meal is fine. Making almost constant small moaning sounds after nearly every bite or drink is not. I felt as though I were witnessing a private moment and very nearly asked if he and his meal needed to get a room.

Con: When we went to a bar after dinner to get a drink, he made slightly condescending and disparaging remarks about our bartender within his earshot.

Con: I’d had a cold for a week and had to cancel our original “second date” plans a few days earlier due to illness. Although still sick, I was improved enough that I decided to keep the second set of plans that we made. Still, when he went to kiss me goodnight, I turned and gave him my cheek because A.) I was probably still contagious and B.) My head was full of phlegm and I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t feel particularly sexy or excited about having someone else’s tongue in my mouth. He let his disappointment be very obvious and when I kissed him on the cheek, sarcastically said, “I feel like I’m in Sixth Grade.” Gee…sorry for not feeling frisky.

So, now I am looking at once again trying to find the words that will express the lack of chemistry that I feel, in a way that doesn’t diminish him as a person. Fortunately, he seems fairly uninterested in having daily contact with me. I thought about going out with him a third time, but there is no point in trying to build a relationship on apathy. I don’t strongly dislike him, but I don’t strongly like him either. The dates were fine, even with the cons associated with them. I simply feel no desire to repeat the experience. The only reason I’d go out with him again is to avoid telling him I don’t want to. It doesn’t seem like a good enough reason. As I completely disdain apathy in others, it is upsetting to see it in myself. Time for a change.

So, I think I’m going to pull back a bit and try to get my bearings. Maybe try a different approach than Plenty of Pyschos. Which means that maybe, just maybe, I can actually squeeze in some yoga. Maybe I’ll get to try some new recipes, or practice my sketching. At the moment, not having a date for awhile sounds fantastic. We’ll see how long that will last…

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2 Responses to “Can You Build A Romance on Apathy?”

  1. I am right there with you sister! I recently “hid” my profile from the dating site I’m on, because I’m exhausted! After 6 months of dealing with energy vampires, I needed a break! Who knew dating would be so daunting? Enjoy your respite!

  2. Thanks! I do feel drained of energy. 🙂 Give me a few weeks or a month and perhaps I’ll be up to the challenge again!

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