Sex and the Single Soccer Mom

““Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”

This is a lesson that I need to work on. Sometimes people will never truly understand what you think or feel, either because of willful refusal or the lack of perspective needed for them to “get” it. I wish that we could all be willing to do the necessary work to understand one another, despite our differences. Everyone is in a different place; Sometimes that isn’t going to happen. My strength and my weakness is my desire to do the work in a relationship, to hold onto something that I thought was precious, to be willing to go further than halfway for love and connection. It IS a strength…but it can definitely be a weakness. Sometimes letting go is the wisest course of action. It never feels like it to me; I tend to stand and shake a fist at heaven and refuse to give up, despite the odds. I’m not quite a Pollyanna, but I do want to believe that people are not intentionally being hurtful or manipulative. I want to believe that they are struggling with issues, just like I am, that keeps their better self from emerging. For self-protection, sometimes you have to walk away, even if you believe that the person has merit and beauty inside them.

I’ve never encountered a painful situation that didn’t teach me something. It IS true that when one door closes, another opens. You just have to be looking for it. I see doors all around me and I know that opportunity is just outside: For love, for friendship, for connection and the chance to grow as a human being.

Tonight, I sat and wept, from anger and hurt and frustration. I realized it is the first time that I’ve really broken down since last week. I feel calmer now, as though something inside has broken free. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve made new friendships. I’m being courted by the quirky and attractive artist and told that he is “smitten”. I’m letting go.  A door WILL open and I want to be ready to see what’s on the other side.

This entry was posted on January 18, 2011 at 3:15 am and is filed under Dating. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.