Sex and the Single Soccer Mom

For A Hot, Sexy Time!

So…my nearly two weeks of singledom has gone well. I’ve been productive and creative; I’ve been working out at least five times a week; I’ve spent time with family and friends. My stress level is significantly lower in terms of time management, which is great; I’ve been ridiculously busy. So far I’ve not panicked and joined any dating sites, although I continue to get “tease” emails from them. One of them informed me I had 103 emails waiting from prospective partners! Alas, I know all too well what that might look like if I fell for it and joined.

I even have a hint of an idea for a novel, which I’m going to start trying to flesh out over the next month. Afterall, I might as well use this time to explore things I’ve always wanted to do, right?

Of course, being single has left me in somewhat of a sexual drought (alright, alright…it’s only been a little over a month!). However, after last night’s experience, I don’t think I’ll even be thinking about getting frisky with myself!

Life lesson learned on Sunday: When dealing with raw banana peppers, make sure to wash your hands thoroughly, not just rinse them. Now…I know what you’re probably thinking, however, you’d be wrong. What happened is this: I sliced up banana peppers, rinsed off my hands, then went to the bathroom. I didn’t even realize contact had occurred until I stood up (and got ready to wash my hands!). Suddenly, a searing pain was upon me, the likes of which I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced before. I was, literally, screaming in agony. A cold washcloth seemed to only make things worse. I was afraid I was going to lose consciousness, the burning was so horrific. Hopping into the bathtub (with my nightgown still on), I put my lady parts under the faucet and turned on the cold water. Still, things just wouldn’t calm down! So I soaped and rinsed, howling the entire time. After repeating several times, inbetween dousing myself with cold water, finally the pain started to subside. Exhausted, I dragged myself from the tub, tiny whimpers still escaping me every few seconds. I hobbled, legs apart, into the kitchen to take out my piping hot pizza when the timer went off. Then I sat down with a glass of wine and my pepperoni and banana pepper slice, aiming a fan up my nightgown while I ate.

Aside from the 15 minutes of blinding pelvic agony, akin only to that experienced during childbirth, it was a pretty good night. Still, it’s not the sort of hot and steamy action one envisions having. So, take note: Either wear gloves when preparing banana peppers, wash hands thoroughly, or be prepared to suffer in extraordinary ways!

This entry was posted on October 23, 2012 at 1:07 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.