Back In The Saddle Again, So To Speak
So, I’m dating again.
Yes, it’s two months before my 6 month challenge. Yet I have what I consider very valid reasons…
I’ve had an interesting and different life in many ways. I grew up in a fundamentalist religion that most people would consider to be a cult. Walking away from that religion meant walking away from an entire lifestyle and identity, as well as almost my entire social life. People that I knew as a child, people that were in my wedding, they will all pass me on the street without even acknowledging me now. I don’t regret the decision to leave the religion, not even a little bit. Still, the reality is that my entire life as I had known it was over. My husband and I tried to cling together, but it was like clinging to driftwood while floating in the open sea after the Titanic went down: Our relationship floated amongst the wreckage and eventually sunk beneath the surface. I was left with a single friend, a wonderful new friend and my immediate family. I’m grateful they’re in my life; it’s more than many people have. Still, I felt the pain of social isolation. There were no childhood friends, no friends from college to call. Besides my family, the one person who had been a constant in my life chose to walk away. I felt very alone.
This point was brought home to me very strongly again a few weeks ago. Part of the reason I’ve dated, why I’ve sought a relationship, is so that I can forge new alliances. Is that a bad reason? Maybe. Yet people seek out romantic connections for many reasons. I don’t feel the need for this person to be my entire world, but having someone to go out to dinner or a concert with would be very welcome. Plus, my confidence took a real beating during 2012. Reminding myself that I’m an attractive partner doesn’t sound too bad.
Therefore, I’ve rejoined the world of internet dating. While I’d love to just meet someone in the course of my day-to-day life, the probability of that is slim. I’m busy, I have a job where the “clients” and my coworkers are off-limits and I have zero desire to hang out in clubs or bars. Some of my friends are convinced internet dating is like dumpster diving. Of course, they’ve not been in the dating world for over 20 years!
So, I dusted off my profile, put up a new picture and it was just like being back in the saddle. Just like that, I had a date…two dates…three dates. Yes, I’ve noticed that internet dating in this city is like swimming in a very tiny fishbowl. The same faces keep floating around and I’ve already “bumped” into several men I’ve already dated. That is simply one of the cons. Another unique feature to internet dating is that people feel much more free. One man with whom I exchanged several emails finally sent the dreaded: “So…can I ask you some naughty questions?” Uhm…no. Another man wanted to know if I liked porn and if we could discuss my sexual preferences. Upon asking if he would feel comfortable using that approach if he met me in a restaurant, he hedged with: “It would depend.”
I’m curious if it would “depend” on whether or not I was a call girl! I try to look at this aspect of internet dating as a pro: It’s a quick and easy way to weed people out. I also continually remind myself that the men on the internet dating sites are only a small representation of the men in this city. It’s easy to get tunnel vision.
Still, I’ve had one date with a very sweet and cute guy who brought me a rose on our first date. He called me within hours of the first date to ask me out again and has been attentive and interested since then. I have a couple of other people I may say “yes” to.
Putting on some cute clothes and going out to some trendy little hotspot, enjoying adult conversation and flirting…well, I just can’t see much of a downside to any of that. So, here’s to getting back on the horse…
Giddyup!
Sex and the Single Soccer Mom 
February 12, 2013 at 9:38 pm
Good for you! I like the guy who brought the rose and called you for another date. He seems like a good one. I think you have a point though, some of these guys show their true colors right out of the gate and it may have taken you longer to see them had they not felt as comfortable through the internet. I’m curious what city you are in?? If you’d rather not say, it’s okay too. Good luck.
February 18, 2013 at 3:03 pm
I’d prefer to keep as many identifying details out of my blog as possible. I will say that I live in a city that was identified as one of the “top 10 worst cities to date in”. 🙂 Thanks for the comment and the luck. When it comes to dating, I often feel like I need it!