Tales From The Field

The one thing I can say about dating, particularly dating derived from online sites, is that you wind up meeting and talking to a wide variety of people. Sometimes that turns out to be more interesting than good, but it makes for great blog material at the least!

How else would I end up going out with a professional lute player? Much less one who went to graduate school for his lute playing career. When I googled his name, I got multiple “hits” and got to read articles about all the places he’s performed. It was an interesting date, but not one that I really think extends into future dates. It was a fun evening, we had good conversation and I think it’s probably best left at that. He was a bit pretentious for me, talked about his issues with his father for large amount of time and we wound up in the most awkward version of a goodnight kiss that ever existed. He went in for a hug that looked like a kiss, I mistook the signals and our lips met in a graceless moment that I don’t think either of us really wanted. Awkward.

Then there was the professional dj who drove three hours to have a first date with me, after a year of sporadically exchanging emails (and me dropping in and out of the dating sites). I was excited about this date! His profile was really cool, his pictures were cute and we’d exchanged many witty, flirty emails. So I was highly anticipating meeting this guy, although with the distance between us, I wasn’t really thinking relationship. Still, the weeks leading up to the date were full of flirting and fun.

Then my fantasy meets reality. Now, I am not a superficial person. I want to state that in advance, because what I’m about to write would appear to make a lie of that statement. But when I opened the door, all I could think was “Oh no”. I don’t know what happened between his photo and my house, but it was a significant change. I won’t belabor the physical details, but I will suffice it to say that I felt zero physical attraction to him. Actually, if there is a negative attraction level, then we were pretty far into the negatives and I felt like he’d misrepresented himself substantially. To top it all off, the man had a serious stuttering problem and was painfully socially awkward. And…he’d just driven three hours to meet me and spent $75 on tickets to an event for the evening. So, I did my absolute best to put everything else aside and just have a good time. Which we did. He relaxed enough that the stutter calmed down most of the time, we had dinner, saw a show and went for drinks afterwards. When he left for the evening, we shook hands as new friends. He has expressed interest in seeing me again, but fortunately, it was easy to use the distance as a legitimate reason to keep our date as a stand-alone event. I think it was a positive for him and it turned out to be, in the end, for me.

At the opposite extreme, I received a series of emails from a slick, gorgeous man who turned out to be a former exotic dancer/model. I was even able to look up some of his clips from the once-popular talk show he aired on twice. After looking through the numerous beefcake photos on his profile and watching the clips, I replied to his emails with sincere thanks on the flattery and declined pursuing it further.

I’ve come to accept that while I’d love to meet the guy I want to be with long-term, quickly, that may not be the case. Afterall, I’m fairly picky and the things I’m picky about are often traits you don’t find in the majority of people. So I do my best to enjoy meeting everyone, regardless of whether we are a long-term match or not. In dating, the following is often true:

Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People  usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the  way it is. ~HENRY CLOUD, How to Get a Date Worth  Keeping


2 Responses to “Tales From The Field”

  1. thefroglyprince Says:

    I must have just lucked out in getting into most of my relationships. I really haven’t dated much without it turning into something longterm.

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