Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Emo BOys and Emo GIrls

I have to be honest. I have very limited experience with being broken up with. Typically, I’m the one doing the breaking up, for a variety of reasons and at least two relationships where I’ve ended things, the men knew it was coming.

I’ve been broken up with twice: Once at eighteeen and once in the not-too-distant past by “He Who Shall Not Be Named” (as my daughters refer to D). Both times it was a complete and utter shock. There was no fighting, no expressions of dissatisfaction, no apparent withdrawal of affection. Just…BOOM…and your perception of the world and your relationship are lying in pieces while you look on in shocked horror.

I recently read the following article and I found that it really touched on a lot of the elements of what made the breakup hard. Of course, it would have been difficult regardless and some things are learned in hindsight, still, these struck a chord with me. For the full article, click here: Breaking Up Tips. Some of the more salient points (The quotes in italics were pulled directly from the article):

  • Don’t drag it out
  • Pick the right time and place. “Don’t wait until the holidays or some special event to ruin someone’s mood. Give  them a little time to deal with things before having to face all of their  friends and family.” (Having had this particular experience, I have to say, it totally sucked and I think about the pain of the breakup everytime the holiday rolls around. Unless something fantastic comes along to replace the horrible memory that happened the day before the holiday, I’m pretty sure it’s forever ruined. To my family that visit from out of town, it was the holiday where I was either in a Xanax haze or near the point of sobbing their entire visit.)
  • Give the person a sense of closure. “Sometimes  it’s  clear to both parties that a relationship is headed towards a breakup. In those cases, when the relationship finally does end, there’s  usually  a  sense of closure. Many times, however, the breakup comes as a  complete shock  to the other person. They are left dazed and confused,   as if they were just  hit by a speeding train and left lying on the   tracks. From my experience, it’s  usually the guys who are the culprits in these situations .” (I definitely can relate: It’s hard to find closure when you didn’t see something coming. Much less when it simply didn’t jive at all with everything leading up to the breakup)
  • Space. Give the other person space to sort it out.
  • Move on with your life. I know, you’d love to be friends with them because you really like them (just not as a spouse), but  don’t you realize that they probably still have feelings for you? Don’t you understand that by continuing to interact with them in a close personal manner  you are stirring up their feelings for you and possibly impeding them from wholeheartedly dating other people? If you like them enough  to really try again  and make a serious  relationship work, then give it  your best shot and make it  happen.  Otherwise, please follow the words  of Gloria Gaynor and “Go on now go,  walk out the door, don’t turn  around now, for you’re not welcome  anymore.”  Move on with your life and  let your ex move on too.”

These were good reminders for me too. Breaking up sucks (although it sucks MUCH more to be broken up with!), but there are definitely ways to make it worse. Don’t breakup over email or text. When it has to end, as happens more often than not, do everyone a favor and follow these guidelines. Be gentle. Be kind. Pick your words and location carefully. Then after it is done, be gone. Certainly, don’t be this person:

text-breakup

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