Reasons to Be Celibate

The other day I was doing some shopping and I passed some gorgeous, sexy lingerie. Always a bit of a weakness, I had to stop and take a look. Then it occurred to me how pointless it would be to buy any of it, since I’m not actually seeking out dating right now. Suddenly, I had a “Field of Dreams” moment and a voice intoned in my mind: “Buy it and they will come.”

Once I snapped back to reality and reminded myself that finding sex partners and dates isn’t my issue and this is MY choice, I started to think about celibacy and all the positives it could bring to my life. Sex can be glorious, but there are perks to not having it if I choose to remain celibate until I find someone I’m really, really interested in.

  • I don’t have to worry about birth control or disease.
  • I don’t have to look at a condom, much less have the smelly, uncomfortable thing (uhm…the condom) near my lady parts.
  • I don’t have to wonder if I’ll have an orgasm or make the decision of whether to try to give my partner a set of blueprints to make it happen, fake it or just not even bother to conceal the fact that it’s NOT happening. Oddly enough, without a partner my chance of orgasm is 100%!
  • I don’t have to deal with another person’s sexual issues (and believe me, I’ve figured out sexual issues abound).

So, basically, if I choose to remain celibate it’s safer, less messy, less potential for awkwardness and I’ll always have a good time. Doesn’t sound half-bad, huh? Then again, isn’t avoiding love of any kind safer, less messy and with less potential for awkwardness?

Things that can’t be achieved on my own:

  • Skin-on-skin contact
  • Kissing
  • Listening to the sounds of my partner’s pleasure
  • Actual intimacy
  • Cuddling

Okay…I guess my argument against sex isn’t all that compelling. The truth is, I’d rather have sex with a partner, with all the messy complications and risks that come with it, than remain celibate. Unfortunately, so many of the things that I really love about sex also come with a partner that’s invested in more than just the sex. I’ve had variations of casual sex and it’s a much emptier experience for me. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time or that it didn’t have some value emotionally, as well as physically. It’s just not quite enough.

Sigh. I’ve got four more months in my “challenge”. So far, it’s not exactly been a chore to avoid online dating sites. I’ve gone out twice with someone I knew as a teenager (I actually had a huge crush on him when I was 15). There won’t be a third time of “hanging out”, as I quickly figured out he’s arrogant, flaky and a player (something I actually suspected before we went out, but didn’t want to pre-judge based on Facebook activity). I had someone on the Match.com Facebook page contact me to tell me they liked my post and they think I’m super cute; turns out we have a mutual friend (small world!). Mostly I am just taking time to sort through the last couple of year; drop back and punt, so to speak. I’m taking care of my children and myself. Concocting art in my kitchen. Exercising until I am dripping with sweat and all the muscles in my body quiver (which is starting to have the nice side effect of making my naked body look a hell of a lot better…for when…uhm…someone actually sees my naked body). Writing and drawing and listening to music while I dance crazily around my house. Catching up on melodramatic television on Netflix. Processing and trying to figure out the reasons why…or at least my reasons why.

Sex might not be high on the agenda right now, but that’s okay. It’s pretty damn easy to find sex partners. It’s not nearly as easy to find clarity, peace and joy. I’m working a little more on the latter and deciding to wait for the former. In the meantime, I’ll be wearing sexy underwear just for me. Besides, I’ve always got that 100% private success rate to fall back on!

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