Archive for the kissing Category

Chemistry: A Bitch With A Twisted Sense of Humor

Posted in Dating, kissing, online dating, Relationships with tags , , on August 11, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, last night I had my second date with someone. We met at the movie theater, played Dance Dance Revolution and Ms. Pac Man (I really suck at DDR, by the way), then watched a scary movie (which allowed him to put his arms around me during the scary parts). Then he walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight…which turned into a 3o minute mini-make-out session (which caused a random person leaving the theater to call out “Get a room!”).

I feel like I’m 17 when I’m with him.

The problem is, I’m scared he might be a completely bad choice for me. He’s six years younger, has a troubled past that he’s working hard to overcome and may want babies at some point in the future.

What the hell am I thinking?

Well…that’s the problem. I’m afraid my vagina may be thinking for me.

What is it about sexual chemistry? Why do we feel it with some and not with others? Why can’t I feel it for a doctor with a boring past, a single well-behaved child and a vasectomy? Instead, this man who discusses Nietzsche and religion in one breath, then confesses the horror movie we’re watching will leave him terrified in the other (while giving me a sheepish, little boy grin), leaves me trembling with one kiss. Last night I drove home in a haze of pent-up sexual tension, smiling like an idiot the entire way. When he called today and left me a voicemail, I listened to it three times before telling myself to get a grip.

Out of the three men I’ve loved since my divorce, I’ve only felt this sort of sexual pull with one of them. I recently went to get a drink with the ex of which I speak and the tension was still there. Even with our completely screwed up, drama-filled history, it was still there. I was annoyed and somewhat amused.

Chemistry is a bitch with a wicked sense of humor.

So now I smile and blush like a school girl every time my newest suitor contacts me. I have flushed, hot, detailed fantasies of moving this teenage fantasy into a more adult reality. We’ve both agreed we won’t…for awhile. Yet part of me wonders if I’ll be able to make sensible, rational decisions until we do. The reckless, romantic side of me is reveling in this 17 year old feeling; The grown-up side of me is urging caution. Both sides tell me to let it play out and see what happens.

Damn you, Chemistry.

What’s In A Kiss?

Posted in Dating, kissing with tags , on July 17, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, my last date licked me.

This sounds like the beginning to some sort of sexy, sex-filled story, but it’s anything but. After an evening of listening to him make it clear he thought he was a sexy beast, he leaned in as though he was going to kiss me and licked me. I jolted backwards in protest at having this tongue, that appeared to be acting independently of the rest of his mouth, touching my lips. He didn’t appreciate the gesture and he let me know that was how he kissed.

Well. I recognize that variety is the spice of life, but that is most definitely not how I choose to kiss, especially not as an introduction to someone’s mouth.

This led me to musing about some of the best (and worst) kisses that I’ve received.

The worst involved over-eager tongues, especially what I call the “substitute penis” tongue. Much like the licker mentioned above, these men seemed to think that thrusting their tongue into my mouth was the sexiest thing ever. Often, their tongue will begun to thrust out the moment they even see my mouth, which frankly, leaves me repulsed. Are they getting an involuntary tongue erection? This is the only thing that explains, to me at least, why a man would believe I desire his out-thrust tongue to approach my mouth. Don’t get me wrong, I like for tongues to be involved with kissing. What I don’t like is for it to be the main focal point of the kiss immediately. I don’t like it when I get tongue before I even get lips. Nor do I like it when I then feel like the man is trying to do battle with my tongue or lick my internal organs. I’ve even had men who request that I stick my tongue out of my mouth for a kiss. What? Am I at the doctor? Some finesse with the tongue is appreciated.

Also on the worst list would be kisses that are too hard and feel like they bruise my mouth. Alternately, I’ve been kissed by men who’s lips reminded me of soft, wriggling worms because the pressure of their lips was so damp and soft.

Of course, bad breath is a given no-no, certain to turn even a good kiss into a bad experience.

Best kiss? Placing one hand behind my head or on the side of my face and then leaning in slowly until our lips meet softly, then adjusting pressure to move the kiss from gentle to passionate. Using his tongue to delicately taste my lips and mouth at first, then perhaps a more thorough exploration as the kiss heats. Even using his hand to guide my head into the kiss is sexy to me (as long as I don’t feel like he’s trapping me there). Letting his hand wander down to my waist of the small of my back to pull me in closer while our mouths are fused together.

I’ve kissed plenty of men who get it right. When it’s extremely right it’s one of the sexist things ever and it’s all I can do to keep my wits about me and not rip off his clothes. When it’s wrong it makes the thought of doing anything else that involves touching feel very, very unappealing. I have definitely refused a future date based on a horrible first kiss.

What’s your kissing style? Have you ever continued to date someone long past when you should have dated them based on the kissing? Have you ever refused to date someone you otherwise thought was swell, because the kissing was so bad?