Sex and the Single Soccer Mom

Yesterday, I had two dates. Miraculously, they both fell through and I got to spend the day with family and then in my cozy home. Yes, my introverted soul was happier at not being overbooked. The first guy, a coffee date, called me 5 minutes before the arranged upon time to tell me he was running late. I was already at the coffeehouse.

“How late?” I ask him calmly, imagining 10 minutes of browsing the internet on my phone.

“Well…I kind of overslept and am just now waking up, so I haven’t even left my house yet.”

He lives 30 minutes away. Much to his dismay, I suggested that perhaps a rescheduling was in order, as I didn’t feel inclined to sit waiting on him. My time is precious and I absolutely despise having it disrespected, especially by someone whom I haven’t even met.

The other man, with whom I was supposed to have a third date, canceled abruptly because of a family emergency. Very plausible, but I am beginning to wonder if perhaps he is simply overscheduled on top of everything. He seems very interested, yet has a difficult time returning texts or phone calls between his 2 jobs, 2 kids, volunteer efforts and personal pursuits. I value and respect someone who has a happy, thriving life. At the same time, if you’re too busy when you’re in the initial “getting to know each other” stage to follow-up, then perhaps you’re too busy to be dating.

I’ve also noticed a sad trend on internet dating sites. So many of the men on the sites seem very blase about actually dating. The definition of blase is: 1. Indifferent to something because of familiarity or surfeit. 2. Lacking enthusiasm; bored.

Internet dating definitely leads to a surfeit; where else can you browse a thousand profiles of women in your city? I see a couple of patterns with men who are on internet sites (I’m sure it’s probably women too, but I’m not trying to date them) and I think the sheer numbers involved play a big part.

• The Browser. This is the man who is convinced he will find Ms. Perfect if he just joins enough sites and holds out long enough. The woman must look like a Victoria’s Secret Model, but be a low-maintenance and natural beauty. Be able to look just as hot in a ball cap and his favorite sports jersey at the game, as she does in a little black dress or bikini. All effortlessly, because she’s busy with her high-paying and illustrious career which she earned with her many advanced degrees. The only thing longer than the trail of letters behind her name is her legs. She probably won’t have children, because despite the fact that the man has waited until he’s in his 40’s to begin a family, he “DEFINITELY” wants his own children. That is, once Ms. Perfect arrives. Oh…she also must be low-drama, have no hang-ups and little baggage. He might occasionally deign to go out with someone, but he sees no real point in dallying with mere mortals. He’ll wait for a goddess, who makes a lot of money, makes him the envy of all his friends (because she MUST increase his status as a man by being a trophy) and somehow magically has waited for him.
• The Texter. The texter messages you on the site with initial strong interest. He asks for your phone number because “texting is so much easier”. After he has your number, he sends a text or two, to which you reply. However, it doesn’t feel like a “get to know you” phase. The texter treats the texting as though you are long-time buds, sendings texts sporadically throughout the day, occasionally not even responding to your replies. An actual date is never really requested, merely alluded to (i.e.; “What are you doing?”…”Having a glass of wine”…”Wish I was there with you!”). The texter continues to text in the most casual way. For someone like me, who really despises long text conversations with someone I don’t even know, I grow frustrated quickly. I suspect these men are simply bored, perhaps lonely, and looking for connection. They aren’t seeking out dating so much as a distraction. I’ve even seen a few profiles where men asnwered the question: “How likely would you be to meet someone from this site in person?” with “Unlikely”. What? Why are you on here then? For more internet friends? I don’t need a text buddy!
• The Apathetic Tease. These are the men who “wink” or send you “likes” on your photos. They may choose you as a match. They might even get worked up enough to send you a message! Then…nothing. You may even respond to their interest, thinking that since they’ve initiated, there’s a pretty strong chance it will result in a date. But no, they can’t really be bothered to do much more than let you know they think you’re cute and interesting. Afterall, clicking a button takes far less effort than holding a conversation or…heaven forbid…meeting in person. That would require actual human interaction! These men can barely summon the energy to follow-up on their interest, but will send just enough to hope they keep the door open. I’m not sure if this is a result of being too busy or simply being too apathetic (or too much of a player) to really follow up.
• The Stalker. This is the man who visits your profile over and over again, but never actually messages you. Occasionally, I’ve suspected that perhaps they are too nervous to contact me, so I send a message to them. Perplexingly, they never reply. Yet they continue to haunt my profile like some dating site ghost, somehow unable (or unwilling) to make contact.

I think people get so jaded by window shopping on sites that sometimes they forget these are real, live people behind the profiles. They’ve seen it all, so why get excited about someone? They come across as unenthusiastic and blase. These days, someone needs to be willing to put in the effort to show me they’re interested. If they can’t maintain interest or focus their attention before we’re even dating, I certainly have no illusions that it will improve with time. I wish I had made this a standard a long time ago; it probably would have saved me some heartache.

The best example of someone who has become blase about internet dating is the exchange I had with a man I’d messaged a week or so earlier. I got a brief response, then I dropped it because he didn’t seem very interested. Unexpectedly, I get a message from him that says only the following:”Well, it looks great. I like.”

I’m confused and I respond accordingly: “What do you like…?”

His response? “Your hair. It’s pretty. Your picture is starting to make my dick hard. Hehe!”

This was a man who’s profile had seemed articulate and intelligent. With a sigh, I message him back briefly to say how disappointing his response was. He follows up with: “Yeah well I’m tired of this site. It’s a waste of time. I’m not meeting anyone on here so may as well say some ridiculous things to see how people react. I frankly am disappointed in your response. I needed more….”

Really, that sums it up. Disenchanted and discontented, so he acts out like a small child. The question for me is: After too much time spent on internet dating sites, or after years of serial dating, is one always left with wanting more? Is the grass always greener? Do we become so cynical over our experiences and the seeming surfeit of choices that we’re unable to narrow our focus to only one?