Sex and the Single Soccer Mom

This “Winner of the Day” blog is slightly different from the others. I couldn’t help but feel this man’s pain. 🙂 Clearly, there are other people having problems wading through the muck to find a gem.

I’ve read personal after personal on this godforsaken site, and I have learned one immutable, universal truth: You are all fucking delusional. Virtually every one of you. Did you even take a minute to proof-read these ads before you posted them? Aside from the fact that it looks like it was written by an eight year-old, it’s completely unreasonable and just downright ignorant. It’s subtext dripping with insecurity and niavete. I’ve only been browsing personals for a week or so now, and I’ve been prevvy to some real whoppers. We’ve all seen the sobsister who vicitimizes herself, almost trying to guilt some kind of relationship out of thin air. Then there’s the girl with the six different children from five different men. Are you kidding me? You don’t “Need a man.” What you need is a fucking condom. And then there’s the estranged wife looking for some sort of supplimental and discreet relationship. You don’t need an affair, you need a fucking case worker. And let’s not forget my personal favorite: The girl who claims to be meaningful and deep; Soulful, even. She talks about how looks aren’t important to her. How she’s looking for someone who can mentally and emotionally stimulate her. Then, of course, at the end of her ad she requests a photo. Typically stating that if you do not send one with your reply, she will not reply. If looks don’t matter then why… Fuck it. Who cares? You’re an idiot.

Look ladies, I’m not saying you have to be the hottest girl in the world, nor am I saying you need to be the smartest. But use your brain. It’s difficult enough to find a man, I’m sure, as it’s difficult for me to find the right woman. But with ads like these that you’re posting, all you’re going to end up with is the lowest common denominator. These bottom-feeders mooching around on the lowest rung, sponging off whomever will let them or alternately “hitting it and quitting it.” We’re not all like that, us guys, but we seem to suffer endlessly for the mistakes and misadventures of that one idiot who seems to ruin it for everyone. But, I suppose I should practice what I preach. Afterall, I woudn’t even be posting this if I hadn’t at least lost a substantial amount of faith in women. So, who knows?

I’m not saying that I’m better than any other guy. Not what I’m getting at. I’m fairly unnattractive, I’m sarcastic, a smartass, and I have countless other flaws that I don’t have time to list, nor do you have time to read. I can’t promise the world. In fact, I can only promise one thing: I am decent. In every sense of the word. If you’re interested, shoot me a reply.

I was raised as a “good girl”. You didn’t let boys kiss you or touch you; You certainly didn’t let them take off your clothes. Above all else, if you wanted to be a “good girl” who was clean in the eyes of The Lord, you didn’t let them get in your panties. That brain-washing regarding sexuality (including, but not limited to “never let a boy see you in your nightgown; he’ll think about sex” and “if you touch yourself, it will make you selfish about your own pleasure and you won’t have a good sex life with your husband”) led me to a lot of soul-conflict and guilt as a teenager. It also led to me being a 22 year old virgin on my wedding night.

My plan when I got married was that there would only ever be one man that would take my virginity and he would be the man I’d sleep with for the rest of my life. Wrong! I suddenly find myself single in my thirties, wondering how to navigate sexual choices. Suddenly I wasn’t bound by God,  marriage or anything else that I had been raised with. What does a good girl do, when the constraints are finally lifted?

Why, she experiments! I began to try on several different attitudes about sex, to try to figure out what my values were about who I slept with. It led me into some decisions that I wasn’t pleased with, yet overall I managed to navigate it without too many huge regrets. However, I quickly discovered that I wasn’t good with games or rules. At what point can a modern “good girl” sleep with a new romantic interest without feeling like she’s rushed it? At which date is she no longer “easy”?

The problem that I have is with the inequality of sexuality between the sexes. Why would I be deemed “easy” while a man’s reputation actually would go up if he sleeps with multiple women?  Why am I expected to hold out until a certain time (no one can agree on when this time actually is), while it’s accepted as natural and expected that a man will probably try to get me in bed right away? Why is it okay for him to try to seduce me, yet not okay for me to allow myself to be seduced?

I’m a pragmatic person, overall.  The man that I will want to wind up with, long-term, will see me as more than just a conquest. Therefore, if I sleep with him before date #10 or 20 or 30…or before the “I love you’s” or diamond rings are presented…he won’t jump ship because of his “conquest”. Not to mention, I like sex. At some point, when I really like someone and I’m attracted to them, it just feels like game playing to keep saying “no”. It is all very confusing.

I read a book once called “The Ethical Slut”. It challenged so many of the views of female sexuality in our culture, which made it a fascinating read. While I personally may not feel that some of the attitudes and behaviors would be a good fit for me, there was a line that I absolutely loved.: “Ethical sluts only sleep with people they love…and they love everybody.”

I understand the consequences of sex without committment can be much higher for a woman. If we conceive, it is our bodies and lives that are changed forever. We are somewhat at the whim of the male choice to stay or not to stay when it comes to child rearing. Between the fear of being a single mother, the religious mores that cast shame on a woman for being sexual and the desire/need for a protector and provider, who can blame women for being cautious?

Still, sometimes it seems that sex, if participated in by good girl rules, becomes less about desire and connection and having a great experience with another human being and more about manipulation and achieving some end goal. Which is what? Marriage? A meal ticket? A man who will love us and not leave us because we were good girls and waited until the “right” time?

For me, I try to take each intimacy on a case-by-case basis. Which doesn’t mean that I’m unaffected by the cliches that still float around regarding sexuality, simply that I would prefer to not play the game. There are people with whom it has taken me a long time to become intimate. There are people that I’ve dated for months and we never became lovers at all. Then there the people with whom I feel a connection and I decide to go for it. Does that make me a “bad” girl? Does it make me easy? Perhaps to some…but to the man that I will wind up with, it is only a very small facet of who I am. He won’t live by cliches and he won’t attempt to become intimate, then judge me if I  say yes. I won’t be a conquest, for him to brag to his friends about. I will simply be me, as a whole package. Because, in the end, if I have to trap a man into loving me and staying with me by withholding sex, I think it might be hard for me to respect him or myself.  In the end, it is up to me and me alone who I decide to share my body with.

My thanks to the 80’s band “The Knack” for providing my blog title!

I just love a man who is very specific with what he wants. He even has the courtesy to include a picture, just to give you an idea of the woman he’s looking for. I will attach it for your viewing pleasure!

Don't answer unless you look like this!

 I’ve highlighted some of my favorite lines from this ad, purely because it amuses me.

First things first. I’m in the Phoenix Arizona area, so you would need to be open to relocation if interested. I will fly the “right” girl here to check things out and see how we like each other. Ok, I guess I should start with the basics. I’m a single white male, 47, 6 ft, 180lbs, nice build and not bad looking if I may say so myself…. Yeah sure, they all say that right? Sorry but I’m hesitant to post a pic on here for privacy reasons. I’m a professional and it would be very embarrassing to have someone I work with see and read a personal ad of mine. My romantic desires are my business and I don’t want someone who knows me stumbling upon my ad. So, if you are interested you’ll have to write me to see pics.

My interests are many, in fact I sometimes feel I have so many hobbies/interests that I never seem to achieve what I consider perfection or the ultimate at any. My favorites are, motorcycles (dirt biking as well as harleys), cars (corvettes, see my baby below), guns (handguns, military weapons) I really don’t hunt. I just like to collect and shoot them. Yes, I firmly believe in the right to bear arms.

I’m also really into digital camera equipment and photography. I love taking sexy pics of my woman. My type enjoys doing so. I’m a home owner and I really enjoy home improvement projects both inside and outside. Though I’m an aerospace manufacturing engineer by profession, I’m also a journeyman tool and die maker and have worked in the construction trades doing custom cabinetry and remodeling. My home is only 5 years old so I have tons of improvement projects planned for it. A woman’s opinion on some of these projects would be nice. I also stay fit by riding my mountain bike around town. Don’t picture a guy in spandex please…ughh. You’d see me in my 501s and sleeveless t-shirt cruising with a beer in my hand…lol (well, I wish I could get away with that, the beer that is). Seriously if you lived within a 10 mile perimeter of me you’d know my face from seeing me riding my bicycle. I walk into grocery stores and people say “hey, I see you riding your bike all the time”….lol……. lets see what else. I listen to classic rock but get tired of the same old thing so, I enjoy new alternative rock as well. Also some blues, I know, understand and appreciate the evolution of modern day music. That means yes, I listen to the blues. Other entertainment I enjoy would be motorsports. I live near firebird raceway and attend just about every event out there. I’m from the Bay Area CA so I like to take road trips back there and drive highway 1 along the northern and southern california coast. I have a house in the bay area as well as the one here in Phoenix but I plan to sell it soon.

So why am I here? Very simple, I’m single, work all the time and never seem to run into a young hottie at the gas station or knocking at my door selling cookies… ; ) Craigslist is free so I think I’ll take advantage of that. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain right? I’ve tried a couple pay dating sights but they seem to limit your search and what your allowed to say in your ad. Like one place wouldn’t let me say I want a sexy woman who has or wants really BIG implants. Also wouldn’t allow me to limit the age bracket I’m seeking to 18-35 year olds. Imagine that. They think they know what my tastes should be…… wrong!…lol.

Anyway, yes, I seek a sexy young woman in that age range. You must be slim and fit. Also no kids. I’m hell bent on finding someone who has or wants very very large boobs as in “fake ones”. I just love the look and always will. It drives me wild. I’m not kidding you. I’m crazy about huge fake boobs! To each their own and my type loves and wants them as much as I do. See the look I want my girl to have below. Yes it can take more than one augmentation to get to that size, depending on existing size. Again, you dont need to have them, just willing to get them! Please dont waste my time or yours by answering this ad if you dont want them. Also, I really want someone interested in a long term live-in relationship hopefully resulting in marriage. I’m really tired of living alone. I want someone I can invest in both financially and emotionally. I want a woman’s touch around the house. I want a partner in life.

If you feel we have common wants and interests and you meet the description above (no exceptions please), write and send a pic or two. I will respond in kind. I have a blackberry and am very attentive to my emails. Now speaking of responses. Please title your response “I want to be a Sexy Wife” That way it will stand out from the millions of spam responses I will get from placing this ad (if you have ever placed an ad here you know what I’m talking about).

Thanks for taking the time to read my ad, have a great day and good luck in your search.

I’ve heard of having low expectations, but this is ridiculous…

TOTAL WEIRDO LOSER LOOKING FOR REJECTED LONER WEIRDO LOSER CHICK – 31

as long as you are as horny as a goat and halfway presentable in public things should all work out..

you know who you are. email me.

This just leads to more questions for me. What does he plan to do with the milk? Nurse from the breast? Drink it from a cup? Bathe in it? Whatever the answer, it is a bizarre ad!

Are you lactating and have an abundance of milk ?
.Let’s meet and discuss what you can spare.
This will be discrete and N S A for your best interest.
. Any race and any build If you are BBW or slim and small
,it will have no bearing on outcome .Only DD Free ladies
You will be respected at all times and in safe hands
.Answer with pic and cell # you must be 21 or older….
.you will be handsomely rewarded for your services Answer ASAP

So, I have a second date tonight with J, teacher by day and artist by night. First date was good, subsequent phone conversations and emails have been very good. He has told me that he is “smitten” with me and he’s even deleted his profile from the dating site. He’s cute, smart, funny, insightful, quirky and seems like a very conscious person. Everything that I’m looking for, right? Then why am I so nervous?

The answer, of course, is obvious. My recent “relationship” also started off with a bang, then went very awry. J says I’m beautiful;  He tells me that he woke up at 3:30 in the morning with me on his mind and he had to come and email me. He lets me know that he finds himself thinking about me throughout the day and that it feels “different” for him. I want to believe him, without doubt or fear. Yet a tiny voice in my head says, “How long will he stay smitten?”

Then, too, there is the question of how long I should give myself to heal before jumping into a relationship. Part of me knows that my heart has just suffered a serious thrashing over the last few months. Another part of me feels like my former relationship has been suffering from a terminal illness for the last 7 months. I was always half-way prepared for it’s demise, despite my wishes otherwise and my intense efforts to save it. I’ve been grieving for months in a way. How much longer should I grieve? If there is a chance that something real could develop with J, why wouldn’t I take the opportunity? How much more presence should I allow a doomed, volatile, 10 month relationship?

All questions rolling through my mind. Still, I am excited about this 2nd date. It is absolutely time to move on and I’m ready to do so…

“Boss” will probably not get many applicants for this position. Although it is nice to know that he will respect my “extremities”. Do you suppose that one of the requirements for doing what I’m told would be to always wear warms socks and gloves?

“i’m a young, but legal dominant caucasian male. i’m caring and at times hospitable of your inner wishes. you will always do what you’re told, though i shall respect your extremities.
a long term relationship is preferred. if you just would like to be sexual together then i can accommodate to that too. i’m looking for any ages or race. i’m not obese but i may still think of having you if you are.

message me back with your stats and interests. you may refer to me only as ‘Boss’.
have a lovely day…. “

““Sincere forgiveness isn’t colored with expectations that the other person apologize or change. Don’t worry whether or not they finally understand you. Love them and release them. Life feeds back truth to people in its own way and time.”

This is a lesson that I need to work on. Sometimes people will never truly understand what you think or feel, either because of willful refusal or the lack of perspective needed for them to “get” it. I wish that we could all be willing to do the necessary work to understand one another, despite our differences. Everyone is in a different place; Sometimes that isn’t going to happen. My strength and my weakness is my desire to do the work in a relationship, to hold onto something that I thought was precious, to be willing to go further than halfway for love and connection. It IS a strength…but it can definitely be a weakness. Sometimes letting go is the wisest course of action. It never feels like it to me; I tend to stand and shake a fist at heaven and refuse to give up, despite the odds. I’m not quite a Pollyanna, but I do want to believe that people are not intentionally being hurtful or manipulative. I want to believe that they are struggling with issues, just like I am, that keeps their better self from emerging. For self-protection, sometimes you have to walk away, even if you believe that the person has merit and beauty inside them.

I’ve never encountered a painful situation that didn’t teach me something. It IS true that when one door closes, another opens. You just have to be looking for it. I see doors all around me and I know that opportunity is just outside: For love, for friendship, for connection and the chance to grow as a human being.

Tonight, I sat and wept, from anger and hurt and frustration. I realized it is the first time that I’ve really broken down since last week. I feel calmer now, as though something inside has broken free. In the last couple of weeks, I’ve made new friendships. I’m being courted by the quirky and attractive artist and told that he is “smitten”. I’m letting go.  A door WILL open and I want to be ready to see what’s on the other side.

Part of me thinks this would be an easy $50. The other part of me thinks: “Sure…you just want me to LOOK at your penis.” Still, it is one of the more amusing ones that I’ve read!

A friend of mine and I have been having a long-standing argument about whose penis is larger. We’ve tried having our girlfriends confirm to the other the exact size, but neither one of us buy it. I don’t want to see his penis and he doesn’t want to see mine. I don’t want my girlfriend looking at his penis and he doesn’t was his looking at mine.

So… We just need a girl to look at both of our penises (individually) and then to both of our faces say which one is bigger. We can’t pay much. $50?

I can’t take the credit for this, but I found it too amusing (and true) to not share:

m4m = I totally want to do anything that has the word “fuck” in it.

m4w, w4m = I want to fuck you but I’ll do dinner first if you want.

strictly platonic = I want to fuck you but let’s talk about something first.

casual encounter = I want to fuck you and not have to pay much attention.

missed connections = I want to fuck you and I hope you saw me standing ten feet away from you with a bunch of other people and you wanted to fuck me too and you just happen to be looking in CL and reading this right now and still want to fuck me.

rant and rave = fuck you.