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Chemistry: A Bitch With A Twisted Sense of Humor

Posted in Dating, kissing, online dating, Relationships with tags , , on August 11, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, last night I had my second date with someone. We met at the movie theater, played Dance Dance Revolution and Ms. Pac Man (I really suck at DDR, by the way), then watched a scary movie (which allowed him to put his arms around me during the scary parts). Then he walked me to my car and kissed me goodnight…which turned into a 3o minute mini-make-out session (which caused a random person leaving the theater to call out “Get a room!”).

I feel like I’m 17 when I’m with him.

The problem is, I’m scared he might be a completely bad choice for me. He’s six years younger, has a troubled past that he’s working hard to overcome and may want babies at some point in the future.

What the hell am I thinking?

Well…that’s the problem. I’m afraid my vagina may be thinking for me.

What is it about sexual chemistry? Why do we feel it with some and not with others? Why can’t I feel it for a doctor with a boring past, a single well-behaved child and a vasectomy? Instead, this man who discusses Nietzsche and religion in one breath, then confesses the horror movie we’re watching will leave him terrified in the other (while giving me a sheepish, little boy grin), leaves me trembling with one kiss. Last night I drove home in a haze of pent-up sexual tension, smiling like an idiot the entire way. When he called today and left me a voicemail, I listened to it three times before telling myself to get a grip.

Out of the three men I’ve loved since my divorce, I’ve only felt this sort of sexual pull with one of them. I recently went to get a drink with the ex of which I speak and the tension was still there. Even with our completely screwed up, drama-filled history, it was still there. I was annoyed and somewhat amused.

Chemistry is a bitch with a wicked sense of humor.

So now I smile and blush like a school girl every time my newest suitor contacts me. I have flushed, hot, detailed fantasies of moving this teenage fantasy into a more adult reality. We’ve both agreed we won’t…for awhile. Yet part of me wonders if I’ll be able to make sensible, rational decisions until we do. The reckless, romantic side of me is reveling in this 17 year old feeling; The grown-up side of me is urging caution. Both sides tell me to let it play out and see what happens.

Damn you, Chemistry.

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Do I Look Moist? (A Soliloquy About Youth)

Posted in Relationships, self-esteem with tags , on June 8, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

I remember seeing a portion of a sitcom nearly 10 years ago, where one of the characters was obsessed with looking “moist”. I totally didn’t get it. What did that even mean?? As it turns out, she meant moisturized, dewy, youthful. Still in my 2o’s, I could hardly relate.

As I near forty, I’m starting to understand. I’m not obsessed with the need to appear youthful, yet I’m definitely more aware of the changes in my body and the ways in which time is shaping me. And yes, I definitely find myself slathering on the moisturizers in an attempt to get that dewy look that comes so effortlessly to the young. I see tiny lines under my eyes when I get too tired that I try to smooth out with eye cream. I know the day is coming when even a good night’s sleep and a good eye cream won’t erase the marks of my years. While I’m not thrilled, I’m also not horrified. I’ve got a lot of experience and at least a bit of wisdom about some things from living for nearly 4 decades. I wouldn’t trade it for youth and the taut skin that comes with it.

Still, there is something to be said for the allure of the young.

The other day I had a nineteen year old boy that I know tell me I was one of the most beautiful people he’d ever met. The words were without guile; in fact, I’m not certain this particular boy is even capable of guile. He told me that I radiated beauty, inside and out. For just a moment, I felt exactly how he saw me: Beautiful. What was even more poignant is that he was looking at me with eyes unburdened by baggage from 20 more years of living. He wasn’t judging me through a lens smudged with regrets. He expected nothing from me in return, he just gave me the gift of the compliment.

Considering my very bruised and damaged self-esteem, it was a compliment I’ve been holding onto for the last few days.

The young remind us of who we used to be, of the energy that used to surge through our bodies. They remind us of what it feels like to jump without looking, because we don’t even understand what it means to fall; of what it means to love without reserve, because we’ve not had our hearts truly broken. There are moments I envy that lack of experience and the ability to see the world as fresh and clean, while still believing I know everything. Then I remember that to be able to stand in that place again would mean having the mistakes and heartbreak ahead of me.

Still, for just a moment, it felt good to bask in the glow of this boy who is only 7 years older than my oldest child and to enjoy the knowledge that, lines and all, he found me beautiful. Hopefully life will treat him gently and not wipe that innocence from his eyes too quickly. One day soon, perhaps he’ll meet a beautiful, “moist” young woman who will have that same starry look in her eyes and think he is the most wonderful person ever.

I’ll hold that wish for him and hold the gift of his compliment close, for a long time to come.

 

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It’s A Small World Afterall

Posted in Dating, Relationships on May 3, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

The city I live in is fairly small, so running into people I’ve interacted with on dating sites is bound to happen. It has happened, but rarely with as much of a “disconnect’ as what follows…

While on Facebook, I come across a photo of a friend who just had a great article written about his art/craftmanship in a magazine. The photo is of his entire “team” and one of the team members caught my eye. When I followed a hunch and looked up his Facebook page, lo and behold, there is the guy that I wrote about in my blog Blase Much? Yes, the one who sent me an inexplicably weird email days after we briefly chatted…the one who told me my hair was pretty and it made his dick hard. Needless to say, I didn’t respond favorably.

I mention this to my friend’s wife and she is completely bewildered and refers to him as a total “Sweetie”, while expressing how out of character it seemed for him. Hmmmm…now, it’s possible that he is a total sweetie with the boss’ wife, but a complete jackass to women online. Still, the whole thing seemed strange.

So I sent him an email on Facebook, reminding him of the exchange and asking what happened. To which I get a reply back that says he has no idea what I’m talking about, wonders if a friend decided to play an unkind prank with his account, then apologized for what happened. He could be lying, but I’m going to choose to believe he’s not. The encounter seemed really bewildering and off when it happened, totally not in keeping with the couple of emails we’d initially exchanged. Between that and the character vouching he got from my friend, I’m going to go with his story.

Still, it was a reminder of just how small this whole dating world is and to be careful how you treat people online. You never know who they know, or how it will come back to you in the future!

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A Must Read for Parents of Boys!

Posted in Parenting, rape, Relationships, self-improvement, women's liberation with tags , , on March 21, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

Going hand-in-hand with my blog from yesterday is this article that I happened across: To End Rape We Must Raise Our Boys To Be Kind

In order to tackle a problem, we must recognize it and take some step toward a solution. This seems like one small step, amongst many that will be needed, toward a better world for our kids.

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Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Posted in Dating, Relationships with tags , , on March 13, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

Emo BOys and Emo GIrls

I have to be honest. I have very limited experience with being broken up with. Typically, I’m the one doing the breaking up, for a variety of reasons and at least two relationships where I’ve ended things, the men knew it was coming.

I’ve been broken up with twice: Once at eighteeen and once in the not-too-distant past by “He Who Shall Not Be Named” (as my daughters refer to D). Both times it was a complete and utter shock. There was no fighting, no expressions of dissatisfaction, no apparent withdrawal of affection. Just…BOOM…and your perception of the world and your relationship are lying in pieces while you look on in shocked horror.

I recently read the following article and I found that it really touched on a lot of the elements of what made the breakup hard. Of course, it would have been difficult regardless and some things are learned in hindsight, still, these struck a chord with me. For the full article, click here: Breaking Up Tips. Some of the more salient points (The quotes in italics were pulled directly from the article):

  • Don’t drag it out
  • Pick the right time and place. “Don’t wait until the holidays or some special event to ruin someone’s mood. Give  them a little time to deal with things before having to face all of their  friends and family.” (Having had this particular experience, I have to say, it totally sucked and I think about the pain of the breakup everytime the holiday rolls around. Unless something fantastic comes along to replace the horrible memory that happened the day before the holiday, I’m pretty sure it’s forever ruined. To my family that visit from out of town, it was the holiday where I was either in a Xanax haze or near the point of sobbing their entire visit.)
  • Give the person a sense of closure. “Sometimes  it’s  clear to both parties that a relationship is headed towards a breakup. In those cases, when the relationship finally does end, there’s  usually  a  sense of closure. Many times, however, the breakup comes as a  complete shock  to the other person. They are left dazed and confused,   as if they were just  hit by a speeding train and left lying on the   tracks. From my experience, it’s  usually the guys who are the culprits in these situations .” (I definitely can relate: It’s hard to find closure when you didn’t see something coming. Much less when it simply didn’t jive at all with everything leading up to the breakup)
  • Space. Give the other person space to sort it out.
  • Move on with your life. “I know, you’d love to be friends with them because you really like them (just not as a spouse), but  don’t you realize that they probably still have feelings for you? Don’t you understand that by continuing to interact with them in a close personal manner  you are stirring up their feelings for you and possibly impeding them from wholeheartedly dating other people? If you like them enough  to really try again  and make a serious  relationship work, then give it  your best shot and make it  happen.  Otherwise, please follow the words  of Gloria Gaynor and “Go on now go,  walk out the door, don’t turn  around now, for you’re not welcome  anymore.”  Move on with your life and  let your ex move on too.”

These were good reminders for me too. Breaking up sucks (although it sucks MUCH more to be broken up with!), but there are definitely ways to make it worse. Don’t breakup over email or text. When it has to end, as happens more often than not, do everyone a favor and follow these guidelines. Be gentle. Be kind. Pick your words and location carefully. Then after it is done, be gone. Certainly, don’t be this person:

text-breakup

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Our Last Goodbye

Posted in friendship, Relationships, self-improvement with tags , , , , on March 8, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

“Kiss me, please kiss me/But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation/You know it makes me so angry ’cause I know that in time/I’ll only make you cry, this is our last goodbye” ~ Jeff Buckley

Marina Abramović is an intense Serbian-born performance artist who’s work spanned the early 70’s until present day. In 1976, upon moving to Amsterdam, she met the German artist Ulay. An intense professional and personal relationship ensued.

For a decade they collaborated, exploring themes of ego and identity. One of their famous performances, “Breathing In/Breathing Out”, was an exceptionally personal piece that explored the ability of one person to absorb, exchange, and destroy the life of another. They stood, mouth to mouth, breathing in each other’s exhalations until they had used up the entire supply of oxygen between them. Seventeen minutes after beginning, they both fell to the floor unconscious.

The last couple of years of their union were tense; finally, they decided to part ways. In a spiritual journey inspired by a dream of Marina’s, they decide to begin at opposite ends of the Great Wall of China and walk until they reach each other in the middle. Then they embrace and part ways, never to meet again. Until…

Marina Abramović & Ulay meet after 22 years

Watch the video. Trust me, it’s worth it.

So, why couldn’t I and my ex-partners manage this grace?

I can only speak from my own perspective, not that of the men I loved. For me, there was such pain in the parting and rarely was it completely mutual. With D, the closest we came to a mutual parting was in the spring of last year. Yet even then, I had such repressed anger, resentment and hurt; parting wasn’t what I wanted, but neither did I want to subject myself to the relationship as it existed. So, is it ego that kept it from being graceful? Or was it that neither of us left it alone? D and I have parted ways three times, yet didn’t allow the parting to stand. We reconnected after brief separations, while feelings were still in place and wounds were still fresh. We didn’t allow time to add layers of softness to the experience, or give grace the chance to take root and unfurl.

Or perhaps these two artists were simply more evolved as human beings. Maybe during their artistic work involving the ego, they learned to take the ego out of the relationship OR realize when it was affecting their choices. Did this allow them to realize when letting go was going to be the most loving thing they could do? Is that what gave them the strength to walk away, only to meet again for that single, poignant moment years later?

For me, this was inspiration that I very much needed. This is what I aspire to: That if love ends, for either party, that I can have the grace to let go and walk away without allowing the memory of the love to be tainted. Even if the other persons actions were hurtful or selfish. Afterall, this couple had literally breathed each other’s breath until they both fainted. They had been together in a passionate love affair, and been collaborative artists, for over a decade. There must have been pain and conflict as their romantic union began to erode. Yet in the end they achieved grace.

I’m not currently evolved enough to accomplish what they did, but I want to be. I can only get there by doing my own soul work and finding my own answers. Continuing to live in a state of hurt and anger over the choices of others (and wondering why they aren’t doing THEIR work) will never get me where I want to go.

I’ve already shared my last goodbye with my previous partners, but perhaps this can be a lesson for me in future relationships. Letting go when it’s time, having the strength to let the separation stand, then having the character and dignity to move forward (instead of going back to something that wasn’t working, simply because there is pain in the letting go)…this is what I will strive for.

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Thoughts for the Day

Posted in Dating, drinking, introversion, Relationships with tags , , on March 7, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

These are, randomly, some of the thoughts rolling through my mind. Well, actually, many of these were other people’s thoughts, but they mimc my own thoughts, albeit in a much more clever way.

So, here’s wishing you a wonderful Thursday. The day before the day for which we all long. May it be bright and beautiful, or at the very least tolerable and with the opportunity to drink.

Tina Fey quote

I think Tina Fey is a goddess. Plus, I can get behind this philosophy!

“There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete
and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by
fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a
laborious mosaic.” -Anais Nin (I’m hoping I get a few more of those mosaic pieces soon)

“When one is pretending the entire body revolts” -Anais Nin (Pretense is difficult for me and my body invariably lets me know it. I’ve been experiencing this the last couple of months.)

WTF ecard

There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with.
~ Harry Crews ~ (I’m looking forward to having a scar, instead of a wound. Things are starting to knit together, but it’s taking a bit longer than I’d like)

goldfish jumping out of the water

What I’m longing to do a lot these days!

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.” – Woody Allen

 

And finally…

wine-ecard-3

 

 

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I’ve Got Your Crazy Right Here (Or Maybe Not)

Posted in Dating, online dating, Relationships with tags , , on March 6, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

Within the past two weeks I’ve had three men refer to me as “one of the sanest women” they’d ever met. I’ve recently hung out with a man whom I dated for a few months last year (while desperately trying to get over D).and he actually said: “Thank you so much for being sane!” In light of my recent struggles with grief and some depression, the comment made me step back and reassess. You know what I’ve discovered? I actually am one of the more mentally healthy people you’ll meet in the dating pool.

It got me to thinking (which I’m sure is a shocker to my regular readers!): What is sanity? What would most people describe well-adjusted as being?

It’s probably not the woman who decides to throw all of her new husband’s clothing and possessions off the balcony of their honeymoon suite, when she sees him talking to another woman for two minutes at the bar. (Ex-wife of a former date). It’s not getting in a huff when a man declines your invitation to a hotel room after a first date and tells him “You obviously aren’t interested in a relationship and you’re just looking to toy with people!” (Story from the trenches). It’s definitely not setting up a New Year’s Eve date, with hotel room included, then bringing your child with you! (Former lover’s experience). It’s not texting or calling your ex-husband 15-20 times a day, even times when you know he’s on a date. (An ex’s ex-wife). It doesn’t scream sanity to go completely whacko and call your mother-in-law, raving like a lunatic and talking divorce, if your husband goes out for a rare evening with his friends. Nor is it dropping off a 5 foot tall painting of a dead tree, complete with symbolic vulva image, on the doorstep of someone you dated briefly, who told you it wasn’t working. (My former dating partner!).

Want to know what the craziest thing I’ve ever done to an ex is? After having him break my heart in November, I went ahead and purchased the very expensive rare beer club membership I had planned for his Christmas gift (Over $300) and sent it to him, making it look like I’d purchased it before he broke up with me. Upon relaying my shameful actions to a different ex (the same ex  to whom I dropped off his things after our tumultuous relationship ended, carefully wrapped so it wouldn’t get damaged), he exclaimed: “Wait! We broke up! I wish you’d sent me a “get even” rare beer club membership.”

Uhm…I think I need to work on my revenge strategies.

So, what do men consider “crazy”? A woman who hopes for more in the relationship and starts behaving like a “cling-on” (my father’s term for needy women)? A woman who allows her emotions to show too much? Drama? A woman who is too controlling?

I have three elements of “crazy”, all connected: 1.) A difficult time letting go, 2.) Intense grief and emotions surrounding transitions, that last longer than is typical for the average person, and 3.) A tendency toward “emotional cutting” connected with the situation (i.e., looking at old emails/texts/perusing their facebook page/etc.).

Who does this hurt? Oh right…me.

No doubt many men would prefer my brand of crazy to the drama/diva/shrew crazy they encounter in the dating/relationship world, because it doesn’t affect them too much. If anything, I sometimes think I appear too low-drama and sane in relationships; it might improve my life a bit if I added in a smidgeon of crazy bitch once in awhile. Or learned to fall in love with men who won’t abuse the fact that I don’t cling, rarely attempt to manipulate and don’t indulge in tantrums or crying jags over minor issues. As noted, I have my own brand of crazy, but I tend to be the one most affected by it, not my partners.

Still, it’s nice to know that to the outside world (and the men I date), I come across as pulled together and well-adjusted. Despite feeling emotionally fragile for awhile now, I’m managing my life pretty damned well. When I need to cry (which may be more often than I’d prefer), I mostly do it in private. When I need to rage, I listen to angry music on my elliptical. Inbetween…I live my life in a sane and well-adjusted way. Men…you’d better grab the opportunity to have a sane, reasonable woman while you can! I’ve seen what’s out there and it’s not pretty…

Now, I feel some crazy coming on. Shall tonight be a cry in the bath, while drinking wine, night? Or a loud, angry music, elliptical night? Perhaps I could pull up all the old emails from my ex and read them obsessively, hoping to find some deeper smidgeon of meaning behind the demise of our relationship…then cry. Oh wait, I deleted those so I couldn’t do that (in a stupid bid for MORE sanity). Hmmm….

Fine. I’ll stick with laundry, walking the dog, a meeting for my child’s class and a dinner date. But one of these days, watch out!

 

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Valentine’s Day, Smug Marrieds and The Trials of Hand Holding

Posted in Dating, hand holding, Relationships, Valentine's Day on February 19, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

First of all: Happy Valentine’s Day to anyone who actually cares about a commercial/consumer holiday created for what seems to be the sole purpose of selling stuff and making single people feel bad. Mostly, I couldn’t give a flying fig about the day and have opted to NOT celebrate it even when in a relationship. I chose to spend my Valentine’s with my children, as we’ve begun our own tradition for the day. However, I can confess to feeling a slight twinge. The reasons for which are ridiculous and I blame…

The Smug Marrieds.

Or perhaps I should say the Smug Couples. You know, all the people who are or are in the process of being one half of a couple, married or not. Listening to them coo about their relationship, the cute thing their significant other did for them and enduring the pitying looks are sometimes a bit annoying. Especially when I absolutely know that some of these wonderful relationships also result in a lot of misery and are not as happy as they are often touted to be. To the opposite extreme are the single people who look on marriage as the kiss of death, which is just as annoying. Why the insistence that one extreme is better than the other? To quote an interesting article I just recently read: “Whether or not you have someone to come home to on Valentine’s Day — take heart.  Those smug married people or carefree singles don’t actually have it better— they just want to convince themselves that they do.” To read the full article: Why Married People Are Smug…

Another interesting tidbit: According to the affair site, www.ashleymadison.com, they get more traffic on February 15th than any other day of the year. I wonder why that is? Could it possibly be related to people setting up unrealistic expectations for romance? I’ve known plenty of people who would get completely wrecked if their significant other didn’t wow them on Valentine’s Day. Is that fair?

So…I had my twinge at being single on Valentine’s Day, then went on to celebrate it with my lovely children and enjoy the day. There are beautiful things to be found in being involved with someone you love and there are drawbacks. The same is true of being single. It’s so easy to get a “grass is greener” feeling about one or the other, when the truth is we need to find happiness in whatever state we find ourselves to be in. I’m currently still single. Who knows what I’ll be in three months? I’ve still got some soul-searching and inner work to do, so I do know I’d approach any new relationship slowly and with caution.

I’ve had date #2 with the man who brought me the rose. Locally owned hotspot, a bottle of wine shared, yummy food and good conversation. Will it lead to something more? After two dates, who knows? He has expressed very clear interest in me, so we’ll take it one date at a time. He seems very sincere, has chosen a path in life that underscores his love for others and he has wicked good taste in music.

I accepted a date with another man last weekend. He immediately made it very clear during the conversation that he found me very physically appealing. While it was flattering and nothing he said was inappropriate, he made enough references to my physical charms that I started to feel uncomfortable. He also started to address me as “beautiful” throughout the rest of the evening. Not a good sign. It didn’t help that my snobbery started to emerge as his accent and stories relayed he was from a very different background than me. Yes, I’m ashamed to admit it. However, I might have been willing to overlook many things (afterall, he was reasonably attractive, seemed intelligent and we had decent conversation) until he did something I absolutely cannot tolerate. He insisted on holding my hand.

Now…I know that hand-holding is viewed as old-fashioned. Sweet. Romantic. Still, for me personally, a stranger holding my hand has a very high “ick” factor. For me, hand-holding should be done with someone you know and care deeply for. You hold the hand of your significant other because you love them. You hold the hand of a dear friend who is in emotional distress and needs physical comfort, or someone who is in the hospital or dying. I like to hold the hands of my children. Holding someone’s hand implies intimacy, connection, or caring for a variety of reasons. For a man I’ve never met before that night to try to hold my hand for extended periods of time one hour after meeting me…

*shudder*

All my physical boundaries went on red alert and I began plotting ways to get my hand back without hurting his feelings. So, I continued to let my face freeze into a rictus of a passable smile, then would slowly draw my hand away nonchalantly to take a drink of my beverage. Then I’d cross my hands in my lap. Still, the moment my guard dropped or my hand seemed within grabbing distance, he would swoop in and claim it again. He seemed unable to stop himself from attempting a physical connection with me. It was all I could do to not leap up and scream: “Stop touching me!!”

Not a promising sign. He requested a second date the next day and I politely put him off due to previous obligations. However, after numerous “Thinking about you, beautiful” texts were received, it let me know I had to act. So I sent him a polite “thank you for the evening” email, then let him know I didn’t think I felt enough romantic connection for a second date. He took it like a gentleman and wished me well.

My philosophy lately is: Why waste my time? I’m being much more scrupulous about who I accept dates with and who I give a second date to. I’m done being nice. Afterall, when it comes to dating, being nice hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I want to find someone to share my life with one day, but I’m not desperate enough for a relationship to jump into one that isn’t right for me.

The bottom line is this: If I simply wanted someone to share Valentine’s Day with, I could find that easily enough. If being married was my only goal, I could be remarried. While my expectations aren’t unreasonable, I do have them. I’ll even admit that perhaps my expectations are different than those of others. There are so many perks to being with someone you love and who “gets” you and so many cons to being with someone who doesn’t. Until I find that person, I’ll stay single. I’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day with my children.

One day I’ll meet a man who understands why I think hand-holding should only happen after we have affection and connection between us. When I do, holding his hand WILL be about romance and affection and love. Afterall, what says connection, without sexual intimacy, more than a entertwining your hands with your beloved? 🙂

holding_hands-1418

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Back In The Saddle Again, So To Speak

Posted in Dating, friendship, Relationships on February 12, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, I’m dating again.

Yes, it’s two months before my 6 month challenge. Yet I have what I consider very valid reasons…

I’ve had an interesting and different life in many ways. I grew up in a fundamentalist religion that most people would consider to be a cult. Walking away from that religion meant walking away from an entire lifestyle and identity, as well as almost my entire social life. People that I knew as a child, people that were in my wedding, they will all pass me on the street without even acknowledging me now. I don’t regret the decision to leave the religion, not even a little bit. Still, the reality is that my entire life as I had known it was over. My husband and I tried to cling together, but it was like clinging to driftwood while floating in the open sea after the Titanic went down: Our relationship floated amongst the wreckage and eventually sunk beneath the surface. I was left with a single friend, a wonderful new friend and my immediate family. I’m grateful they’re in my life; it’s more than many people have. Still, I felt the pain of social isolation. There were no childhood friends, no friends from college to call. Besides my family, the one person who had been a constant in my life chose to walk away. I felt very alone.

This point was brought home to me very strongly again a few weeks ago. Part of the reason I’ve dated, why I’ve sought a relationship, is so that I can forge new alliances. Is that a bad reason? Maybe. Yet people seek out romantic connections for many reasons. I don’t feel the need for this person to be my entire world, but having someone to go out to dinner or a concert with would be very welcome. Plus, my confidence took a real beating during 2012. Reminding myself that I’m an attractive partner doesn’t sound too bad.

Therefore, I’ve rejoined the world of internet dating. While I’d love to just meet someone in the course of my day-to-day life, the probability of that is slim. I’m busy, I have a job where the “clients”  and my coworkers are off-limits and I have zero desire to hang out in clubs or bars. Some of my friends are convinced internet dating is like dumpster diving. Of course, they’ve not been in the dating world for over 20 years!

So, I dusted off my profile, put up a new picture and it was just like being back in the saddle. Just like that, I had a date…two dates…three dates. Yes, I’ve noticed that internet dating in this city is like swimming in a very tiny fishbowl. The same faces keep floating around and I’ve already “bumped” into several men I’ve already dated. That is simply one of the cons. Another unique feature to internet dating is that people feel much more free. One man with whom I exchanged several emails finally sent the dreaded: “So…can I ask you some naughty questions?” Uhm…no. Another man wanted to know if I liked porn and if we could discuss my sexual preferences. Upon asking if he would feel comfortable using that approach if he met me in a restaurant, he hedged with: “It would depend.”

I’m curious if it would “depend” on whether or not I was a call girl! I try to look at this aspect of internet dating as a pro: It’s a quick and easy way to weed people out. I also continually remind myself that the men on the internet dating sites are only a small representation of the men in this city. It’s easy to get tunnel vision.

Still, I’ve had one date with a very sweet and cute guy who brought me a rose on our first date. He called me within hours of the first date to ask me out again and has been attentive and interested since then. I have a couple of other people I may say “yes” to.

Putting on some cute clothes and going out to some trendy little hotspot, enjoying adult conversation and flirting…well, I just can’t see much of a downside to any of that. So, here’s to getting back on the horse…

Giddyup!

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