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Valentine’s Day, Smug Marrieds and The Trials of Hand Holding

Posted in Dating, hand holding, Relationships, Valentine's Day on February 19, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

First of all: Happy Valentine’s Day to anyone who actually cares about a commercial/consumer holiday created for what seems to be the sole purpose of selling stuff and making single people feel bad. Mostly, I couldn’t give a flying fig about the day and have opted to NOT celebrate it even when in a relationship. I chose to spend my Valentine’s with my children, as we’ve begun our own tradition for the day. However, I can confess to feeling a slight twinge. The reasons for which are ridiculous and I blame…

The Smug Marrieds.

Or perhaps I should say the Smug Couples. You know, all the people who are or are in the process of being one half of a couple, married or not. Listening to them coo about their relationship, the cute thing their significant other did for them and enduring the pitying looks are sometimes a bit annoying. Especially when I absolutely know that some of these wonderful relationships also result in a lot of misery and are not as happy as they are often touted to be. To the opposite extreme are the single people who look on marriage as the kiss of death, which is just as annoying. Why the insistence that one extreme is better than the other? To quote an interesting article I just recently read: “Whether or not you have someone to come home to on Valentine’s Day — take heart.  Those smug married people or carefree singles don’t actually have it better— they just want to convince themselves that they do.” To read the full article: Why Married People Are Smug…

Another interesting tidbit: According to the affair site, www.ashleymadison.com, they get more traffic on February 15th than any other day of the year. I wonder why that is? Could it possibly be related to people setting up unrealistic expectations for romance? I’ve known plenty of people who would get completely wrecked if their significant other didn’t wow them on Valentine’s Day. Is that fair?

So…I had my twinge at being single on Valentine’s Day, then went on to celebrate it with my lovely children and enjoy the day. There are beautiful things to be found in being involved with someone you love and there are drawbacks. The same is true of being single. It’s so easy to get a “grass is greener” feeling about one or the other, when the truth is we need to find happiness in whatever state we find ourselves to be in. I’m currently still single. Who knows what I’ll be in three months? I’ve still got some soul-searching and inner work to do, so I do know I’d approach any new relationship slowly and with caution.

I’ve had date #2 with the man who brought me the rose. Locally owned hotspot, a bottle of wine shared, yummy food and good conversation. Will it lead to something more? After two dates, who knows? He has expressed very clear interest in me, so we’ll take it one date at a time. He seems very sincere, has chosen a path in life that underscores his love for others and he has wicked good taste in music.

I accepted a date with another man last weekend. He immediately made it very clear during the conversation that he found me very physically appealing. While it was flattering and nothing he said was inappropriate, he made enough references to my physical charms that I started to feel uncomfortable. He also started to address me as “beautiful” throughout the rest of the evening. Not a good sign. It didn’t help that my snobbery started to emerge as his accent and stories relayed he was from a very different background than me. Yes, I’m ashamed to admit it. However, I might have been willing to overlook many things (afterall, he was reasonably attractive, seemed intelligent and we had decent conversation) until he did something I absolutely cannot tolerate. He insisted on holding my hand.

Now…I know that hand-holding is viewed as old-fashioned. Sweet. Romantic. Still, for me personally, a stranger holding my hand has a very high “ick” factor. For me, hand-holding should be done with someone you know and care deeply for. You hold the hand of your significant other because you love them. You hold the hand of a dear friend who is in emotional distress and needs physical comfort, or someone who is in the hospital or dying. I like to hold the hands of my children. Holding someone’s hand implies intimacy, connection, or caring for a variety of reasons. For a man I’ve never met before that night to try to hold my hand for extended periods of time one hour after meeting me…

*shudder*

All my physical boundaries went on red alert and I began plotting ways to get my hand back without hurting his feelings. So, I continued to let my face freeze into a rictus of a passable smile, then would slowly draw my hand away nonchalantly to take a drink of my beverage. Then I’d cross my hands in my lap. Still, the moment my guard dropped or my hand seemed within grabbing distance, he would swoop in and claim it again. He seemed unable to stop himself from attempting a physical connection with me. It was all I could do to not leap up and scream: “Stop touching me!!”

Not a promising sign. He requested a second date the next day and I politely put him off due to previous obligations. However, after numerous “Thinking about you, beautiful” texts were received, it let me know I had to act. So I sent him a polite “thank you for the evening” email, then let him know I didn’t think I felt enough romantic connection for a second date. He took it like a gentleman and wished me well.

My philosophy lately is: Why waste my time? I’m being much more scrupulous about who I accept dates with and who I give a second date to. I’m done being nice. Afterall, when it comes to dating, being nice hasn’t really gotten me anywhere. I want to find someone to share my life with one day, but I’m not desperate enough for a relationship to jump into one that isn’t right for me.

The bottom line is this: If I simply wanted someone to share Valentine’s Day with, I could find that easily enough. If being married was my only goal, I could be remarried. While my expectations aren’t unreasonable, I do have them. I’ll even admit that perhaps my expectations are different than those of others. There are so many perks to being with someone you love and who “gets” you and so many cons to being with someone who doesn’t. Until I find that person, I’ll stay single. I’ll celebrate Valentine’s Day with my children.

One day I’ll meet a man who understands why I think hand-holding should only happen after we have affection and connection between us. When I do, holding his hand WILL be about romance and affection and love. Afterall, what says connection, without sexual intimacy, more than a entertwining your hands with your beloved? 🙂

holding_hands-1418

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Back In The Saddle Again, So To Speak

Posted in Dating, friendship, Relationships on February 12, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, I’m dating again.

Yes, it’s two months before my 6 month challenge. Yet I have what I consider very valid reasons…

I’ve had an interesting and different life in many ways. I grew up in a fundamentalist religion that most people would consider to be a cult. Walking away from that religion meant walking away from an entire lifestyle and identity, as well as almost my entire social life. People that I knew as a child, people that were in my wedding, they will all pass me on the street without even acknowledging me now. I don’t regret the decision to leave the religion, not even a little bit. Still, the reality is that my entire life as I had known it was over. My husband and I tried to cling together, but it was like clinging to driftwood while floating in the open sea after the Titanic went down: Our relationship floated amongst the wreckage and eventually sunk beneath the surface. I was left with a single friend, a wonderful new friend and my immediate family. I’m grateful they’re in my life; it’s more than many people have. Still, I felt the pain of social isolation. There were no childhood friends, no friends from college to call. Besides my family, the one person who had been a constant in my life chose to walk away. I felt very alone.

This point was brought home to me very strongly again a few weeks ago. Part of the reason I’ve dated, why I’ve sought a relationship, is so that I can forge new alliances. Is that a bad reason? Maybe. Yet people seek out romantic connections for many reasons. I don’t feel the need for this person to be my entire world, but having someone to go out to dinner or a concert with would be very welcome. Plus, my confidence took a real beating during 2012. Reminding myself that I’m an attractive partner doesn’t sound too bad.

Therefore, I’ve rejoined the world of internet dating. While I’d love to just meet someone in the course of my day-to-day life, the probability of that is slim. I’m busy, I have a job where the “clients”  and my coworkers are off-limits and I have zero desire to hang out in clubs or bars. Some of my friends are convinced internet dating is like dumpster diving. Of course, they’ve not been in the dating world for over 20 years!

So, I dusted off my profile, put up a new picture and it was just like being back in the saddle. Just like that, I had a date…two dates…three dates. Yes, I’ve noticed that internet dating in this city is like swimming in a very tiny fishbowl. The same faces keep floating around and I’ve already “bumped” into several men I’ve already dated. That is simply one of the cons. Another unique feature to internet dating is that people feel much more free. One man with whom I exchanged several emails finally sent the dreaded: “So…can I ask you some naughty questions?” Uhm…no. Another man wanted to know if I liked porn and if we could discuss my sexual preferences. Upon asking if he would feel comfortable using that approach if he met me in a restaurant, he hedged with: “It would depend.”

I’m curious if it would “depend” on whether or not I was a call girl! I try to look at this aspect of internet dating as a pro: It’s a quick and easy way to weed people out. I also continually remind myself that the men on the internet dating sites are only a small representation of the men in this city. It’s easy to get tunnel vision.

Still, I’ve had one date with a very sweet and cute guy who brought me a rose on our first date. He called me within hours of the first date to ask me out again and has been attentive and interested since then. I have a couple of other people I may say “yes” to.

Putting on some cute clothes and going out to some trendy little hotspot, enjoying adult conversation and flirting…well, I just can’t see much of a downside to any of that. So, here’s to getting back on the horse…

Giddyup!

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Pulled Back From The Brink

Posted in Dating, friendship, Relationships with tags on January 11, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, I’m sure it will brighten your Friday to know I’m feeling much better this morning. Last night found me with my finger hovering over my ex-lover’s telephone number, sobbing hysterically, wanting support and a caring voice. It’s particularly ironic to me that he was my first choice, considering some of the issues when we were a couple and our brief stint attempting to be friends. I was in distress and I wanted reassurance, so I suppose it’s not that crazy. I did love him and I think there’s still a good chance that if I said: “I’m desperate and I need you to talk to me” that he’d respond. Fortunately, I sent an SOS to my dear friend and she responded immediately.

Thank you, dear friend, for being there for me last night. Thank you for helping to pull me back from the brink of making a bad decision. Thanks for offering unconditional support. I know I can always count on you to be firmly in MY court, which means a lot. I have some wonderful, loving people in my life who would listen and do their best to support me. They also sometimes feel the need to help me reach a place of enlightenment and understanding during the conversation, which is a wonderful thing at the right time. However, when seething or sobbing, it can sometimes just make me feel worse. So, thank you for listening and affirming, but trusting me enough as a human being to know that I would eventually be able to  “take the high road” without you prompting it. By the end of the conversation my humor was restored, my tears were dried and I was able to sleep.

Romance is wonderful, but true friendship can’t be replaced. Thank you for being my friend, for listening, for bringing me Starbucks unexpectedly just to brighten my day. You are valued and loved and my life would be much emptier without you!

 

friendship 2

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Hopeful Thought For The Day

Posted in Dating, Relationships on January 9, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

I must admit, I love this song. Unlike so many other songs that are full of heartbreak and longing, I feel like this one  is hopeful. For all of you who are single and longing for love, realize it can be as simple as waiting for the right fit. You never know where you might find love, so be open to all the possibilities!

 

 

 

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Hitting the January Slump

Posted in Dating, Relationships on January 8, 2013 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, it’s been nearly 3 months since I became single and made the vow to not seek out dating (aka: Join or participate in any online dating sites). Yes, I realize that between then and now I slept with my ex-lover and prompted full closure to our on-again/off-again relationship. Still, I was very much single during that time. Despite not seeking dates, I still wound up going out with two different people. One I mentioned previously: Player with an ego, a fistful of red flags and a flakiness that made my skin crawl by the end of the second date. The second person I went out with is a sweet, sweet musician whom I met years ago. When he looked into my eyes and sang “Green Eyes” by Coldplay, how could I resist seeing how we would mesh? Especially when he mentioned that he’d wanted the date for 5 years! The evening we spent together was fun, comfortable and friendly; Unfortunately, it didn’t feel romantic. There weren’t sparks or chemistry, just a deep liking and affection. Not a bad date by any means, but not one it would be fair to repeat.

So that leaves me…single in January, the second-most depressing month of the year (the first being February). It’s cold, dreary and screams out for someone to cuddle with under a blanket. A person to have deep conversation with over a glass of wine or beside a crackling fire. Oh…and sex. Yes, January makes me wish I had someone to generate some heat with!

Suddenly, the good qualities of all my ex’s start to pop into my brain and I find myself mulling over the things I miss about them. Loneliness and the tendency to forgive and try to see the positive is a dangerous combination! It doesn’t help that I genuninely liked so many things about most of my ex’s, despite the ways in which our relationship didn’t work or my residual anger at them over specific things. Still, I didn’t really stay friends with any of them (the recent attempt at being “friends” with someone I was previously in a romantic relationship with was a disaster on multiple levels). So, contacting them is not an option.

Besides, this is just a slump. A January slump, prompted by the three month mark and the cold. I’ll continue to work on other things and before I know it, I’ll have met my six month challenge. Spring is a good time for the possibility of love, right?

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2013: It’s Going To Be A Doozy

Posted in Dating, Relationships, self-improvement on December 31, 2012 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

2012 was a challenging year in many ways; As is always the case, the challenges taught me a lot about myself.  I’ve been doing a lot of review and how I want things to be different in the new year. When it’s cold outside and the darkness seems so present, it’s natural to turn inward and reflective I suppose. Of course, inward and reflective seems to be my natural state. So this is sort of like everyday me…on crack….hmmm

Anyway, in honor of the eve before the eve of the new year, here are some resolutions:

  • Set Higher Standards. I’ve realized when it comes to relationships with others, especially romantic relationships, I’ve had ridiculously low standards. I’ve been so terrified of being alone, not being loved, having someone be angry at me, being abandoned, that it made me accept substandard treatment. From emotionally abusive to simply apathetic, some of the men I’ve chosen to involve myself with were allowed to get away with some really bad behavior for far too long. I can’t place the blame on them; afterall, I was allowing them to treat me in a way that hurt me. I even got back together with them…repeatedly! Always wanting to see the good, BE the love, think the best, see their higher selves is great; I just need to do it from a distance. Even last year, the relationship that I convinced myself would “go the distance”, wasn’t really what I wanted. Oh, I wasn’t completely unhappy. There were many evenings that were wonderful, beautiful and I felt happiness in sharing them. Yet the relationship never truly felt intimate, connected and supportive in the way I wanted. I mostly felt crammed into the moments he had left after everything else, which was never okay with me. There were times  my inner voice said, “You know this isn’t what you want for the rest of your life. If he can’t value you now, what would it be like after a year or two…or ten? You need to consider ending it.” I told that voice to shut the hell up! Afterall, I had grown to love him. I could just ask less, demand less, make myself smaller so I didn’t inconvenience him. I certainly didn’t want him to leave me, because then I’d be alone,  so I’d be as unclingy and undemanding as possible! I ignored my own needs so I could avoid a confrontation, avoid the truth, avoid the loss. I remember him telling me once, after it was over: “It probably lasted as long as it did because you asked so little and gave me space.” Yay me! So I didn’t really get what I wanted or needed during the relationship, kept my mouth shut because I didn’t want to lose him, then he broke up with me anyway. Low standards, low expectation doesn’t equal great results. Instead, I wound up grieving and feeling, somehow, like it ended because I’d done something wrong or wasn’t good enough. What I should have felt was gratitude and acceptance, because now I’d have the chance to find someone who showed they valued me. In 2013 I will set higher standards. I will have…gasp…expectations. If the next person I’m with isn’t interested in attempting to meet my needs (as I will try to meet his), I will do my best to walk away early. It’s healthy to expect the people who claim to care to show they care. Which leads me to my next resolution:
  • Let myself be angry. This sounds like a strange resolution for the new year, but I can explain it. I’m terrified of having someone be angry at me. Because then they might…you guessed it…leave me or stop loving me. So often I just keep my mouth shut, even if their behavior is appalling and hurts me deeply. Or if I let myself be angry and it forces a confrontation, then I immediately try to smooth it over. Make the peace. Smooth ruffled feathers. Be mommy and daddy’s little diplomat. Trust me, the instinct to sublimate my anger and keep the peace comes from my earliest experiences in life. Of course, the anger has to go somewhere. Usually I deal with it in one of two ways: Turn it inward into depression or let it build until I completely lose it. In the last few weeks I’ve realized something: I’m angry! I’m angry about the last 19 months and it feels a hell of a lot better than sitting and sobbing and wondering why. I’m angry and I have a right to feel angry at him…and at myself. The more I’ve had the chance to clear my head and really think about how everything went down this last time, I’m pretty furious. Anger is actually a higher state of consciousness than grief and boy, it certainly feels healthier. I’m not trying to suppress it or reason it away. I am giving myself permission to feel it and realize I should have allowed myself to be really angry a long time ago. Then, I’m going to work on my next resolution:
  • Let go and forgive. In 2013 (after I work through the anger), I want to release the past. I want to turn loose of everything that is no longer serving me. The people I’ve been with the experiences I’ve had, they all served a purpose. Now I want to just release them and move forward. In 2012 I severed ties with two ex’s. I got clarity surrounding my relationship with the father of my children. In 2013 I’m hoping to start anew and really say goodbye to all of them emotionally. Forgive them for the mistakes they made, which no doubt were made out of their own confusion and pain (That’s me trying to see past my anger for a moment). Forgive myself for the mistakes I made, which were made out of mine. Just let it all go.
  • Push myself harder. I plan to push myself a little harder in a lot of areas during this next year. My physical fitness routine is in full swing and I plan to continue to push myself a little more each time. I’m going to push myself to write more, maybe even try to get some short stories published. I’m going to try to take a few more risks and go outside my comfort zone a little more. Afterall, why not?
  • Live in the present. I dwell in the past. A lot. For what purpose? It doesn’t change it no matter how much I think about it. I want to be present to laugh with my children, play, love, dance, be silly, live my life. If I’m constantly obsessing over what went wrong, it’s hard to really let go and do any of those things.
  • Get out of my head by helping others. In 2013 I really want to find ways to give back to the community. There are a lot of people with bigger problems than me. If I can make a difference by helping…somehow…that’s a lot better than analyzing my own small challenges ad nauseum.
  • Be grateful. I am so blessed. I have so much love in my life and such abundance. It annoys me when I lose sight of that and focus on things I don’t have. I want to make gratitude a daily habit.

Those are just a few of my resolutions for 2013. I’m sure there will be more; there always are. Yet those are the things that stand out. 2013…I’m ready for you!

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Reasons to Be Celibate

Posted in Dating, Relationships, self-improvement on December 27, 2012 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

The other day I was doing some shopping and I passed some gorgeous, sexy lingerie. Always a bit of a weakness, I had to stop and take a look. Then it occurred to me how pointless it would be to buy any of it, since I’m not actually seeking out dating right now. Suddenly, I had a “Field of Dreams” moment and a voice intoned in my mind: “Buy it and they will come.”

Once I snapped back to reality and reminded myself that finding sex partners and dates isn’t my issue and this is MY choice, I started to think about celibacy and all the positives it could bring to my life. Sex can be glorious, but there are perks to not having it if I choose to remain celibate until I find someone I’m really, really interested in.

  • I don’t have to worry about birth control or disease.
  • I don’t have to look at a condom, much less have the smelly, uncomfortable thing (uhm…the condom) near my lady parts.
  • I don’t have to wonder if I’ll have an orgasm or make the decision of whether to try to give my partner a set of blueprints to make it happen, fake it or just not even bother to conceal the fact that it’s NOT happening. Oddly enough, without a partner my chance of orgasm is 100%!
  • I don’t have to deal with another person’s sexual issues (and believe me, I’ve figured out sexual issues abound).

So, basically, if I choose to remain celibate it’s safer, less messy, less potential for awkwardness and I’ll always have a good time. Doesn’t sound half-bad, huh? Then again, isn’t avoiding love of any kind safer, less messy and with less potential for awkwardness?

Things that can’t be achieved on my own:

  • Skin-on-skin contact
  • Kissing
  • Listening to the sounds of my partner’s pleasure
  • Actual intimacy
  • Cuddling

Okay…I guess my argument against sex isn’t all that compelling. The truth is, I’d rather have sex with a partner, with all the messy complications and risks that come with it, than remain celibate. Unfortunately, so many of the things that I really love about sex also come with a partner that’s invested in more than just the sex. I’ve had variations of casual sex and it’s a much emptier experience for me. It doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good time or that it didn’t have some value emotionally, as well as physically. It’s just not quite enough.

Sigh. I’ve got four more months in my “challenge”. So far, it’s not exactly been a chore to avoid online dating sites. I’ve gone out twice with someone I knew as a teenager (I actually had a huge crush on him when I was 15). There won’t be a third time of “hanging out”, as I quickly figured out he’s arrogant, flaky and a player (something I actually suspected before we went out, but didn’t want to pre-judge based on Facebook activity). I had someone on the Match.com Facebook page contact me to tell me they liked my post and they think I’m super cute; turns out we have a mutual friend (small world!). Mostly I am just taking time to sort through the last couple of year; drop back and punt, so to speak. I’m taking care of my children and myself. Concocting art in my kitchen. Exercising until I am dripping with sweat and all the muscles in my body quiver (which is starting to have the nice side effect of making my naked body look a hell of a lot better…for when…uhm…someone actually sees my naked body). Writing and drawing and listening to music while I dance crazily around my house. Catching up on melodramatic television on Netflix. Processing and trying to figure out the reasons why…or at least my reasons why.

Sex might not be high on the agenda right now, but that’s okay. It’s pretty damn easy to find sex partners. It’s not nearly as easy to find clarity, peace and joy. I’m working a little more on the latter and deciding to wait for the former. In the meantime, I’ll be wearing sexy underwear just for me. Besides, I’ve always got that 100% private success rate to fall back on!

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100 Blogs and a Lesson in Language!

Posted in Dating, Relationships on December 18, 2012 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

I just reached 100 blogs!

This is a huge milestone. I celebrated by researching how to say “This is not a porn site” in several different languages. On my Facebook page for this blog I’m up to 750  fans. I’m pretty sure that most of them are only fans because my blog has “sex” in the title. I’ve also gotten numerous messages from men lately, wanting pictures and personal details. It’s interesting that it keeps occurring, because my blog (and the single, provocative picture of my legs surrounded by sports balls), would be very disappointing to those seeking a pornographic thrill. Heck, it’s rarely even about sex! I’ve even considered “re-branding” and removing the word “sex” from my blog title, just so I don’t have to deal with this issue anymore, but I really like the name I’ve chosen!

Still, what else would have given me the opportunity to say “This is not a porn site” in Farsi?

Although, I must say “thank you” to all the people who read my blog. I’ve noticed that I have a substantial number of readers from countries all around the world. Apparently, my stories appeal to many different cultures, which is extremely flattering. Thanks for reading!

I’ve also realized this blog needs some lighter subjects! Lately, I’ve been so bogged down by emotion that I’ve been unable to manage the tongue-in-cheek vibe about dating, relationships, sex and life in general that motivated me to get busy writing! So, gentle readers (I’ve always REALLY wanted to say that), I will be attempting to lighten the mood in the future and provide a bit of sarcasm and humor. I’m sure it will be a welcome reprieve from my intense, introspective, soulful, melancholic musings.

Besides…100 blogs! Is it wrong that I looked up my ex-husband’s girlfriend’s page to see how many fans she had? Or that I mentally chuckled when I saw that I had more? Nah…it’s a moment of private (okay, semi-private) pettiness that I try to rarely allow myself. Hopefully I’ll be forgiven the slip.

Now…what should be my theme for blog 101?

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Ahhhhh…..

Posted in Dating, Relationships on December 10, 2012 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

So, since my last post, I’ve alternated between relief, angst, grief and back again. Silly me. What’s ridiculous is that, no doubt, I’m the only one going through these vigorous emotional exercises. I have the most challenging time letting go, closing a door, ending a chapter. Just this morning I thought to myself: “I should probably send him a Christmas card.” Sigh…ridiculous.

I’m definitely feeling the need for some mood-lightening.

So in honor of that need, I’ve found some pictures which amused me greatly. I’ll share them with you, just in case you’ve got a case of the Monday blues, or like me, you’re trying to move past something you find difficult.

cute-puppy-pictures-true-love

 

broken off

sarcasm

 

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The Challenge: 6 Months Without Dating

Posted in Dating on November 14, 2012 by sexandthesinglesoccermom

My good friend from Europe recently called and told me she plans to visit in the spring. I was delighted, of course; I miss her every single day. As we began to talk about what was going on with each of our lives, I mentioned I was taking a bit of a break from seeking out dating. If I should happen to meet someone in the course of my life, I won’t shy away from it. However, online dating sites are something I’m avoiding. Laughing, I commented:

“Unless, of course, I start to freak out and only make it a couple of months.” She laughed along with me, then challenged: “Can you make it until my visit in April? Can you agree to not try to date and just focus on yourself for six months?”

Six months without seeking out a romantic partner: Can I do it? The prospect is both exhilaring and terrifying to me! The longest I’ve been single since my divorce is 5 months. It’s such a dichotomy, because I truly want a relationship and feel I have a tremendous amount of love and value to give to a partner. Yet I wonder if I took that love and turned it inward for awhile, what the results would be. There is some place within me that is needy, lonely and afraid of being on my own; my history of putting up with actions (or a lack of them) that make me miserable just so I won’t lose the person I love is evidence of this. Why don’t I love myself enough to refuse to accept bad behavior from my lovers? The decision to not date isn’t about my ability to be in a relationship. I’m really good at giving to and loving others. It’s my inability to be without one and give love to myself that I need to explore. If I can answer the question of why it’s so important to me, perhaps I’ll feel more comfortable saying “No more” to people who don’t bring their best to the table. Hopefully, this will attract someone who IS willing to bring their best.

So, the challenge has been set. Can I stay off online dating sites and not seek out a partner for six months? In the last month to six weeks since I’ve been single, I’ve already done things I feel really great about. I’ve joined a gym and been working out regularly. I’ve actually started writing my book. I just confirmed a trip to hike Mount LeConte in the late spring (which will require a bit of training!). I’ve taken on more responsibility in my career and am trying to stretch myself. What could six months bring?

Still, if the right person materialized, I wouldn’t say no. With that caveat, I think I’m going to give it my best shot. Now if only all my former dating sites would stop sending me men…

 

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